Listening to " Sunday morning" by marroon five.. tthought it was a nice song so asked my bro to download it for me.. well spent my sunday morning today at the shooting range.. slept at 2am and woke up at 6am! casue yesterday had night shoot as well... The SAF should realise that we are not robots lah... or rather my unit has to realise that!!!.. we need to spend time at home and rest!!!! second weekend in three weeks this year that I couldn't go home!!!.. oh well screw it and leave it behind me already.. better times too come =)

Well at least a pieace of good news this week was that I passed my basic theory driving test! can now proceed to get my provisional driving licence and book my practical lessons! and hopefully drive soon!

Anyway dun book out on weekends also helped me alittle by saving some money so I think I can look on the bright side of things! yay! this week booking outon tuesday got off for wednesday! so will see how this week goes!

Ok I'm so bored and clueless of what to do... therefore I decided to blog.. can you believe it?
The past week has been really long.. and when I say long, boy did it feel long!!.. booked in on saturday night for live firing briefing, and then the live firing on sunday itself!.. sigh.. dam demoralised, I mean what could be more demoralising then burning the first weekend of the work year.. plus the first combined cell of the year... but decided to make the most out of everything, so at least had dinner with the cell before heading down to camp. But on sunday it started to rain like nobody's business.. and still the exercise had to go on.. in the pouring rain we dragged ourselves up the hill to plant my machine gun and open fire... and as usual the SAF way of learning anything through vulgar emphasis..

So towards the end of the week, did guard duty from friday till this morning then booked out for my second basic theory test.. hope I pass this time!! came back and slept till it was time to go for cell at georgie's house.

Anyway it was only when I started thinking of what I am going to do tml that casued me to feel bleah.. meaningless kept flashing in my mind.. there's nothing to do! When I was studying.. it was not as bad as this! I din like studying... but at least I had something I had to do.. but now.. meaningless... sigh.. army rots the shit out of my mind.. but sigh.. the only one to blame could be myself.. oh well.. Jeremy! why does our duties have to be such that we dun see each other for three or up to a whole month!!!
My sentiments exactly..

Its the New YEAR!!! my gosh 2004 just faded away and now we're in 2005! gosh.. its been a year since I went to the army and its been a year since the last christmas... you might think thats like duh.. but as I Was packing my table, christmas cards that I hang up since last year seemed like they were there not long ago. Maybe casue of the frequency I see them, casue I'm in camp and not at home most of the time, my table has gone into a stuck in a slightly back dated time frame.. then packing and looking through stuff on my table got me having that nostalgic feeling once again..

Went to JB yesterday on the very last day of last year and had a blast! But much credit must be given to the right ppl that went.. haha.. not discrimnating anyone else though, but yeah gerald and georgie were just two ppl fun to be with! with their funny antics, and the ever sweet loving and funny couple of sam and pei yun, then the big jie jie stef.. haha! We shopped and ate, everything there is half price! I din believe it till I went there for the first time on this particular kind of experience. Now I'm convinced I'll be more then willing to go there again!!

Came back for watch night service and communion was served past midnight! but you know I thought, why should we ppl of the Lord care about time which man constrain themselves to.. I mean even if we missed the 12 mark does it really matter? it sure din feel much different a minute before and after 12mn, just how we think.. so yeah.. gathered Abide downstairs after and thought it would be encouraging to pray for each other for the year ahead, much ho ha occured and some other nosy youths joined in.. then pastor came and I guess it became an XS thingy already..... haha... after jon closed we counted down to the new year! and it felt like real.. haha.

Went to jeremy's new house and the highlight was actually playing sardines! his new house is so cool you can hide here and there in all the nooks and crannys we never knew before unlike church in years before casue we've played there quite a number of times already.

Poor angel has got rashes due to some allergic reaction I think.. hope she gets well! Some things have definately changed since we last talk, thanks to her I thinkconfirmed what God had to say to me, cause I definately was sorting after the wrong thing before and things just went topsy turvy all over.. and I thank the Lord each and everyday for a friend like my angel!

Going back to camp tonight.. I think its about time.. to get the job over and done with.. by next year I'll be gearing up for studies one more! can't wait for 2006 when I ORD! can you believe it, when 2005 has only but just started!

uh oh.. the dry spell was about to set in.. it already did for the past few days since I blogged.. sigh.. but since then so many turn of evens have happened! christmas for one was one big event this year! Got ppl presents! thats a change from the Ezra who was broke and unwilling to spend a single cent last year...
So the gift exchange was really great fun! everyone was giving and recieving gifts in Abide! It really meant something.. we came a long way in such a short time... a sense of bitter sweet will set in when we split next year... And yes the news was out to the members on XS's thanksgiving night.. We dressesd up and all.. so fun! me gerald and sam wore abide's T-shirt and a blazer!

Rae is back with us for awhile and we enjoy her company very much! had chritmas dessert lunch with her after christmas service and it was just great fun. Then on monday had cell retreat and changi village hotel! dam nice! its newly removated and realli nice! went for a swim gym and steam room! had three complimentary breakfast! me stef and sam took it.. realli din want to leave, and actually thought of extending one more night! but the cost would be too high..

Anyway going to JB this friday! gonna be an experience for me! hope we'll get back in time for count down! its gonna be 2005! nostalgic man...

So since the mega praise, I have sort to rededicate my life into the Lord's hands and move on from there once again. The engines are cranking and almost immediatedly He revealed a mentor to me! Kevin is my new mentor, had a chat session with him last sunday and I think I like his style of thinking =) Was thinking soomeone can now really answer all those mind boggling questions of mine.

At some point before I felt as if no one understands me.. no one will understand what I'm going through.. the lack of passion exhibited by me in service, the way I think and review things that happen infront of me in the church context.. no one but the Lord understood, and He didn't let me go..

I'm like this child once full of steam and ready to go out to the world one year ago, and btw it was one year ago that I went into the army, but shortly after the world hindered me and I went crawling back to the shell of mine, and the problem is I didn't crawl back to the shell of God..

I stumble on my own actions and words, I became "smart" using my own intellect to challenge all these thinkings but never came to a conculsion... whats the point I ask myself at one point of time.. just leads me away from the throne of God...

I need to get things straighten up now.. seriously I din expect this.. in a period of two weeks I felts I've messed things up so much.. the bulk of the feelin as I analysed could be due to a personal relationship... sigh.. dunno why I felt I am the one messing the whole thing up.. sigh, really hope I can talk to my angel soon.. on the other hand I hope she is willing to talk soon...

Going back to camp soon.. coming back tonight.. gonna have an off day tml.. need a break.. but was thinking this break would never be enough if it doesn't get filled with something which wiull never lead me to thirst again.. thats the word of God.. Thank God for the spirit in us that this silent promting is pricless!..

I'm in church now waiting for mega praise to happen =) is a first time after a long time that I'm game for worship.. I think I'm ready to come back to the heart of worship and to be close to Him once more.

Tell you what happened.. last sunday night I had to book in by myself as my parents were overseas, had to take a cab from home which cost $17!! anyway that is besides he point. I was listening to worship songs onmy disc man and on one particular song it lead m to have tears well up in my eyes casue I was simply ashamed of how much I have neglected Him.

Funny how God talks to someone in a clear manner if onli one were willing to listen. sometimes its not the persons fault direcly, but his own sin that clouds his mind, therefore no matter how hard one tries to listen he cant hear anything for Him.

Being a seargent in command of my men, I try my best to take care of their welfare, but they still dun see it at their level.. I feel neglected and unappreciated. I guess at their level they dun see things my way... and I guess its how I'm not at God's level to see alot of things as well.. my lesson learnt.. He just gave me a pinch of how He might be feeling as i felt in my position...

Haiz.. Dunno what just came across my mind but its not good.. its always not good this past few weeks.. bleah =(

Just came back from platoon defensive mission, digging a whole tranch with my two men was dam shag.. but I think I lost 4kgs out of that threes days of digging.. well hint to those who want top lose weight fast..

Next week is platoon offensive and therefore I can't go for this year's youth camp even though I applied for my leave a whole month ago!!.. But I guess its for the better.. stuff have been stirring up and I really dunno what to expect.. God knows best.

Is it me or am I just like the bait off the hook.. and ppl just nibble off me.. frustrates the hell out of me.. the dam platoon offensive got me screwed upside down and changed me for the worst.. I seriously dun like the way I'm turning into and it scares me how I think when something or someone thicks me of.

Feels like when the tides turn those true to you will stay while the rest just flock to dry ground... Thank God for those ppl who saty.. but I know I still have to ride this wave myself and for Him to see me though..

So since the last time I made an entry, here is an account of what has been happening in my life so far =)
Well I initially thought the past two weeks would have turned out better then I thought, but little did I know that living it through would be totally different!!! especially this past week! its been hell on thursday friday and till saturday! argh! the life I'm living now sucks other then the time I'm out here!

Been tasked to demonstrate the model section for my platoon defensive mission next week! and as a model section of course the standards have to be demanded.. the freaking problem was that everything was tasked at the very last minute and a million and one things had to be done within 24hours! I'm not superman, but I felt I tried my best to produce the best I could come out with... but what difference does it make, in an association that I work in no one cares waht you do but just get it done, or else you suck. plus becasue of the the dictatorship nature of my association, I just got banged left right and center casue I din try hard enought... hello! I'm still human..=( bleah.. therefore I saw myself slip into depression, carring around that glum face of mine and thinking I've gotta tahan this SHIT for another year and a half or so before I'm washing my hands of this BLOOD!

Well thought about it and this week had its good times too... and if I had focus on them more life wouldn't seem so bad after all =) So smile away the bastards and get on with life!

Last tuesday was supposed to hang out with my dear angel but landed up watching "saw" with gerald and the rest.. we shouldn't have done that... but I guess it was fun.. Angel dear just got her contacts and she looked realli good =) and saw her again on thursday on her prom nite, she really looked great.. and found out she's not very good with compliments casue she paid no attention to my complementing sms that night.. =(

Today saw meisie dear after two long weeks.. agreed with her that altough it was onli two weeks it felt like we never saw each other for dam long haha... thank God for healing her stomach pain =) So she can enjoy the rest of her holidays!

Besides the muscle ache after a gym session in camp on saturday I think this weekend might have turned out well..I guess the company made everything good. Thank God for the people he put in my life, like my best pals samuel and jeremy who make my book outs worth looking forward too! Got all I may need for the platoon defensive mission this week... Dunnno how it'll turn out but hope it will come and go just like that.. has been the case and always will be since I have a God who is for me.

Gosh dunno what came across my mind yesterday... thought I Was going mad!!! Crazy over nothing!.. Sigh =( Din enjoy it and realised the best thing to do was to sleep it off.. Thinking more rationally now but still the thought ticks behind my mind. Those good old days one will say. But what the hell.... I'm going back to work tml... its gonna be different altogether..DIFFERENT!
How do I keep everything bottled up like this.. if anyone knows me... thats just not my style.. I'm choking.. turning blue and dying!!!... sigh Just gotta hold my breath for awhile more? Dear Lord! and I cry DEAR Lord! did you not hear me? One more year, or not??!?!

Today going wild wild wet with gerald... too bad not many ppl ons about it....not their fault.. =) but shan't let it affect out plans so gerald and I decided to just go lah.. haha..

On this very day.. The "skater & 1 biker gang"! haha boy did we enjoy ourselves! 

Trying to enjoy my every minute of freedom at home, and away from camp!!! Longest period of time since I past out from basic military school... So I'm able to snuggle into my very own bed for the next few nights till next monday and boy am I treasuring the moments hahaa!!!

I'd discribe my work in camp getting more and more demanding and stressfull as time goes by. Nothing comes easy.. with a higher rank come greater responsiblity.. but dun we all ignore that till we get up there and realise what we got outselves into..

I know whats wrong now.. the problem with me is when I get down to blog I dun know where to start.. seriously too much has past, come and gone unrecorded on this blog of mine. Well most of the time I give myself the excuse that I have no time to blog but the thing is even if I do, I'm to lazy to note down everything thats past so far since my last entry and it snowballs!
So now I grew smarted...forget whats past a long time ago and focus on the recent past... ahah..sounds wierd but yeah..

So here goes:
Have gotten my new debit card recently and made a few transections with it already! bought a brown billabong shirt today at wisma and boy was the satisfaction of signing the recipt was good hahaa.. oh well but nothing comes free....
Watched movie with georgie jeremy gerald and barney. Taxi was the title of the move and it was darn funny!! haha.. met angel after the movie and jeremy drove the whole lto of us home.
Talking about my angel, haven't been talking to her much.. feels funny casue we use to talk every night.. but just hope she's coping well enough with the 'o's
sighs k then hopefully I've breathed some life into my lifeless blog of mine.

Here's a picture from georgie's camera! haha.. My new deuter bag with water bag attached! hahaa 

Our Above 18's outing rae organised when she was still in Singapore! We all miss her, and hope for more above 18's outings when she gets back!

Yay! I'm blogging again! Realised that I've only entered less then FIVE entries since the beginning of my army life, means since the begining of this year! haha... Reading my own entries just transport me back to that moment in time, and now so much has changed sinced I've dawned on my "third stripe" as a seargent. Once I Was a recruit, and as a trainee, never thought I would be in my current situation.

Realli must pause and thank God for all thats happened in my life! Count your manny blessings and you would find it hard to keep track of. trust me on that. staring at this screen not sure where or when to begin. It was throught my experiences that I encountered God in my life always!

You see I got a chance to take charge of some new recruits from less fortunate backgrounds. Thought them individual soldier skills, and they were just so gratefull. Through all this I see how fortunate I am.

Ok it seems everytime I blog, its always been quite awhile since I last did it. Last saturaday had my graduation parade to signify my passing out of SISPEC! No longer a trainee, casue I now have earned my third strip as a seargent and moving on to unit life from tml onward till the end of my arny career! ITs been 9 months of training, in the island called tekong. Well dunno whats gonna be installed for me in the near future but pray that the Lord will lead and guide me.

I've had my ups and downs. Today might have been and averagelly low days.. bleah dunno why, booked out today thinking to have loads of fun but sometimes things dun turn out the way I thought it should. Thats life huh? I realli can't afford these kind of days, casue I'm so rarely out, like today! Guess I've to live by it and learn and apply these lessons to the path I'm embarking on in my new appointment in my new unit.

Anyway got a fresh new template for my blog dunno how many ppl would realise casue Its realli been awefully long since I made and entry...

Quite long since I updated huh? oh well, just too much have passed each time I book out. And so never really thought of blogging cause it would mean pages and pages of boring essays of my life in the ARMY!!
This blog of mine may just be on its way to a grinding stop. But as the gears stop, they're always there to leave a legacy of my pass.
My dearie mei, said that I should blog, so I did =) cause you mean much to me!!
Dunno where to start, or even where to begin. Write about what I did today, or the past week, or the past month..? Well one thing sums it up, through it all, God saw me through it.

Oh my gosh! this blogger thingy has changed so much... And oh yes *clearing up as much cobwebs as possible*, I shall post an entry today!
Thinkin that my blogspot is getting rather redundant, cause I dun realli have the time to tend to it. Even those friendster sites and my fantasy football sites which have been emailing me every week, I haven't realli got the time or even bothered checking them out.. Whats the point... Oh well but Meisie Stef and dear Angel have so kindly added my blogspot on their links so I shan't dissapoint them.
Life for me during the army so far has been, book out...spend lots of money on food glorious food, movies and entertainment, and then book in again.. Sounds like the meneaningless fun of the world right?... But its the ppl I do it with that makes the difference!
Went for dinner with stef peiyun barney and christelle yesterday, although we landed up eating KFC in town, we enjoyed ourselves. Then me barney and stef went down to cheesecake cafe, where rae was working to have a go at the deserts! she treated us with ice cream! macadamien movenpick ice cream was dam good I tell you!!
Then today, yes today had some fun playing tennis with gerald georgie and angela. gosh haven't played the game since last year october!! Then went down to town to eat the "Georgie proclaimed very nice ban mian" which was just large a portion... haha.. funny mei =) BUt I enjoyed it casue I haven't eaten ban mian for a very very long time. And noodles are a luxury for me now, as I eat rice twenty-four seven a week in camp!!
Its the last two weeks of my basic section leaders course in SISPEC and all the major events are over, can take a deep breadth and let it all out, cause soon I'll have my pay increase of a coporal! haha.. and my pay this coming 9th of june... yay yay! feels good earning, especially if you know you deserve it with all the trainings I've been through! sigh..sigh.. sigh..*just the other day it felt like I've enlisted, and just the other day I thought I started the course. But the Lord who is faithfull has seen me through!*
Well to my dearest Angel! study hard! poor thing, gotta mug so hard, will be praying for you! And if anything your angel's more then willing to be there!

okok, I'll begin to blog again today... this blog of mine is starting to grow cobwebs.. and ppl must have stopped reading it cause its hardly been updated. Well its not like I dont want to blog, but I'm not home most of the time, and when I do get home, I'm freaking tired!! Army life is part and parcel of a guys life in Singapore, of well swallow hard and " chiong ah!!!"

Tonight I'm not feeling tired yet casue I've been sleeping the whole day of about 7 hours when I got home at 12 noon. I woke up this moprning in camp at 4am casue I Started shivering like mad, I was running a fever and when I checked my temperature it was 39.8 degrees celcius already!! my gosh, the last time my temperature was 38.8 I felt like dying already. waited till 7.30am till I casue see the medical officer, and then another 3 hours to get my medicine and MC to go back home. Its dam slow I tell you, will never go see the medical officer unless I'm realli sick.

I guess my body gave way after the 7 days of field camp I been through. Horrible, but proud that I've completed it. I've been though shit, and I mean shit especially in foxtrot's famos filed camp training. Just a brief description of what shit is... not bathing for 7 days and not brushing teeth. Not shitting, casue if you choose to, your butt will be attacked by those killer sand flies! Also moving in a tactical manner with a load up to 20 kilograms for over 30 kilometers. Getting bitten by all sorts of insects especially those bloody red ants, and getting slashed by the thorns of pants especially that darn mimosa plant. Not sleeping for an entired night just to dig a trench for us to sleep inside, and yes.. sleeping in the trench which is like a sand pit! And more!! Crawling on our stomaches and backs while the machine gun fires over us...

What can I not go through after this? And if God is for me, who or what can be against me?. Through it all, God sustained me, and probably gave me an early leave today so I can rest at home. hehe.. so now my fever has subsided and I fell better already. and I'm preping up for monday's 3 days out filed situational test again!! ahahah..

Hmmm the last time I blogged was on the 11th of January! and now it's Febuary! Gosh since then it feels like I've been in this real world, i.e. out of tekong, for a few short intervals at a time... the Long Chinese New Year break rushed by, and next weekend is my complusary confinement period. Cause Field camp's up and ts gonna be 7 days of uncomfortable living, i.e. shit hell!... hmm but who am I to coment when I haven't even gone through it.. oh well maybe its gonna be interesting as well, focus on the mission Ezra! We're going to war! muahaha.. how cool is the stuff I'm gonna get to do and experience... that no one else can take back, other then myself!

Haiz.. I've improved much.. my physical fitness is getting there? shedd off more then a minute from my 2.4km run, and I was flying.. yay! my pull-ups and Standing broad jump improved much as well! the SOC swing trainer and the low rope, was once a huge obstacle, but now I've conqurered the low rope and three-quaters of the swing trainer! But All Praise and Thanks be to God!

Just got off the phone with my mei mei georgie! haha.. talked for quite some time, hee about almost everything I guess.. ok lah huh meisie? haha.. its just me that feels wierd at one point of our conversation. But its ok.. I thank God that He allowed you to show me that verse regarding swearing by the tongue. I'm realli encourgaged and inspired!

So now I guess I've gotta sleep.. sixteen hours and counting to booking in for two weeks! God be My strength I pray in Jesus name Amen!

Finnally home once again! Home Sweet Home! Just came home from cell at Rae's house! so nicem had quite abit of fun there, and fellowship and prayer. But on the whole today was tiring I tell you! Woke up early and had a go at the SOC.. My gosh its realli fun! But really tiring as well.. especially the running part with the Long 4 uniform kills plus the stupid helmet.. and its not going to stop there on the next round, cause there will be rifle and SBO. Anyway, not much break before going into IPPT specific training... gosh.. so many push ups.. I think I'm getting stronger and fitter.
Yay! I shed of like 30 seconds of my 2.4km run as well! Thought I couldn't make it tough, cause I had just recovered from a flu and all, I was feeling breathless on the 3rd and 4th round, but pressed on with a goal in mind, and at the last moment really/literally cried out to the Lord for strength. And thats how I accomplished the run with the added bonus of and improvement.
Ok so I had fun and all is good! yay!

Anyway, having a mental block now.. dunno how to carry on writting, maybe tml will comtinue.. see hows yah! tired so I sleep...ZZZzzz...

Gosh I think I need to be more man!...Hmm agree with your meisie...sigh.. When things happen, I just got this urge to wine to everyone and anyone that come to mind. Like when I had high fever just now, and felt as if I Was going to die, every single thought of mine needs to be vented out, to let at least another soul know how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking.. Edwin says its probably how I was brought up.. and one of my character flaws.. the need to feel accepted. My way of venting... gosh the ppl around me close enough would know.. the Lord needs to mould me in this area of mine, and I acknowledge it. Jason pointed out to me 1corinthians13, a verse that has changed my life and will continue to do so overthe time I learn to grow in the Lord. But I thank the Lord for pointing it out to me, and allow Him to continue to mould me.

Haiz I'm back home today casue I had a fever this morning.. haiz.. haiz.. haiz.. Not too happy about it casue I rather be training for a sooner disruption! and how could I leave my platoon mates training, while I'm in the comfort of my own home, just doesn't feel right. Anyway what to do, my weak body of my failed to withstand the bacteria/virus. This morning woke up at 4am feeling all horrible, prayed and drank some more of that horrible tekong water! and then when I woke up at 5am, felt that I was better already. Thought to myself "wow! I feel better already" But as I began to do the 5BX, I realised my body was all aching, put a hand to my forehead and neck but there seemed to be no fever, thought maybe was muscle fatigue or something, so continued with the run as well. Gosh the amount of sweat that I produced was one mug full!! almost a litre! next training was IPPT specific training and I went for that too! as usual my body was aching.. but I pressed on. While getting ready for the next training which was the aqua jogging session, I just was so tired I was knocked out for 10 minutes, got up cause it was time to fall in, but just before I went down, thought that something was seriously wrong with me. Took out my thermometer and took my temperature, and to my horror my fever had gone up to 38.7 degrees!!

Well through it all God sustained me! through the run and the IPPT specific training. He gave me strength, and took care of me, not allowing me to go beyong what my physical body could withstand, although my mental state of mind was to press on. I guess if I had gone on with the aqua jogging, I could have drowned or something.

Feeling much better now, lots of things on my mind now, realli need to sort things out.. sigh.. will call Albert tonight! really miss him. And maybe Edwin as well, hope he's free. All the brothers! my heart goes out to you! take care and continue to be strong for the Lord!

Yay! its New year day! The very first time I shall blog for this year of 2004! Gosh its exciting! Yesterday on new years day, met meisie in town first to hang out and shop abit! I got a levis jeans! yay hehe *grins* Took a nice neo print, and again as usual we looked realli good! haha.. so I had just framed up all the nice neo prints on the photo frame Eunice gave me on christmas! came into real good use! haha =)

So then we had dinner in town with the cell at pasta mania and then went down to church for watch night service. Ok lah although it was rather boring I think it was the right thing to do. WE count down to 2004, and although I felt that it wasn't as eventfull as other years, I guess the most important thing was that I was around close friends and ppl who meant the world to me. without them I would not be who I am today! Samuel, Elissa, Stef, Rae, Georgie, Barney, Eunice, Jeremy... We all count down together and then made our way to east coast park where we walked a hell of a long way before resting at break water 17 beside bedok jetty where we star gazed, talked cock and just be with each other on this very first day of the year!

Oh well so its back to camp this evening and tml will be the first day of school for most of the ppl, but its just nice that this year din't start with the agony of school for the JC2s who have finnised the 'A' levels! it was a diffferent feeling, one I was waiting for since the begining of last year! haha.. so cheers and a Happy New Year!

Right! I'm back! actually have been back a couple of times already. But just have been realli tired of lazy to update my blog! Its been a really long time since the night before my enlistment till today has been about 3 weeks! Gosh!

First day of enlistment was a realli experinece! went there alone and felt realli left out, then we started to march around in my jeans and shirt which was soaked with sweat! at one point I just felt like "Gosh its going to be two and a half years, and I'm gettin tired of it already!" haha anyway I've slowly got used to the life, althought not much has happened in PTP phase of my BMT. REalli slack, onli for the road marches and endurance training runs! I've shed like 5 to 6 kilograms!!!! gosh I amaze.
Now my jeans can just slip off even when buckled! so mun has allowed me some cash to buy my levis jeans, casue she said their jeans look realli nice! haha... I'm not complaining! sleeping onli 7 hours a day, even at home, is casue my body clock has been accustiomed to it. But its realli dumb, casue I feel tired now since I woke up at 9am this morning!

Feels like I've gone throught alot this pass few weeks but its pass but with a wink of an eye! its like a different dimension of time from here and in tekong camp! Oh well as I said I will continue to get used to it casue this is my life for the next two and a half years

kk today is new year's eve! prob going out with the cell for count down today but hopefully meisie replies me soon , and agrees to go out with me! haha.. anyway I think I will go rest! tired!

Hey! this would probably be my last blog until a long time?? Going to enlist into the army tml morning at 8am! Sigh.. just reached home from camp in church, and would be meeting damien later to go beach road to buy army stuff, then going down to church for my finalle mega praise tonight!
Called long distance to Dad in church, and they seem to having fun! Its winter and there is thick snow all round, Joshua and jeremy have caught on ski-ing and are going to do it again tml! As I talked to my father, couldn't help but to cry... Sobs... I miss them. Usually I'm fine with it, but this time cause I'll be going into army tml, and so I was grieved. Anyway, I picked myself up and would rely on God through it all, knowing that he is taking care of me all this while, I have nothing to fear.
Meisie if you're reading this, I'll probably be away already. Missing you loads! I'll never forget the letters and things you said to me! you're a sweetheart! Hope you had fun in camp! continue to grow in the Lord ok! Dun worry! when I book out, we go meisie and brosie date whenever we can okie?! Brosie Loves you dearie! -Ezra-
kk! gotta go pack my stuff and hang the laundry soon! this is me signing out... soons!

5th nov 4.55pm
On my way to meet jeremy for dinner. I'm on my own right now, cause my entire has left for Canada! Woke up this morning and it really felt like in the home alone scence whereby nobody was at home!.. *sobs* They left early in the morning. O well had to get my own breakfast, had ham and eggs in the fridge, so i had that. Lunch was the left over chicken rice from last night's dinner. And the rest of the time i was studying for my SAT tml!

Oh! Have not blogged about my prom cause I've been tired from the whole experience!
Came back yesterday from the stay over at parkview holiday inn. We checked in on wednesday. The five of us guys, zhanwei fish ks chun and myself, then we went for a swim, a dip in the jacuzzi and the steam room! Wow it was great! The bubble massage and steam treatment was revitalizing!
Haha then we took our time to change and get ready! Wow were we transformed men! haha.. gosh I thought we all looked good hehe.. Anyway Riltz Carlton is like super super posh lah!! my gosh they serve you as if you were a prince or princess haha... Met the girls there at the cocktail reception area and began to snap away at with our cameras! haha.. Gosh we were stars, and we saw "stars"!haha... The girls were really stunning!! some realli HOT!! all became cinderalla for that night haha.. realli pretty and eligant! haha.. We had fun man! realli let loose that night especially during the dance haha... it was a priceless experience I will never forget.. wish that night would never end! the very rare occassion whereby I had a reason to wear a blazer and dress up so formally...sigh.. but its over =(... Army here I come!! haha.. Do I sound enthu? gosh.. oh well thats life! cheers.

Just came back from leaders retreat, and quite shagged out! my gosh isn't time realli passing so exptremely fast! gosh this is the blog on that very faithfull day! haha

29th nov 3.52am
Cant get to sleep now... ever since 1.30am, could hardly get the least amount of shut eye! In the midst of the leader's retreat now. Probably because of the tiramisu latte that's causing my insomia. Siqh... Soon will be 5.30am, going jogging with elissa, hoping to catch the sun rise. Until then, i hope to get at least the minimun of shut eye.
Couldn't sleep, so thoughts just kept going through my mind. Mainly thoughts of me prom! Haha so excited! Gosh, everyone will be so glam. Day dreams of the dance, and my dance partner, the glitz and glamour... Haizzz... That perfect girl i will one day fit my hand with her's. Someone whom i love and loves me as well, a friend and wonderfull companion...
Hmm wonder how my meisie is now.. Quite obviously fast asleep, haha or not? In some other part of the globe, in shanghi? oh well might seem to be going to rain.. Hopefully it holds up so i still can run, i pray. Amen.

Blogging on the train once again: 27th nov - 10.34
My spirit cry's out to you Lord, am i slipping away? What am i suppose to do? Do i already know it? You've named me 'Holiness in obedience', but have i obeyed You? Could You give me a clear sign?
But i thank You Lord for the pmomise that you will never leave me nor forsake me. I feel You near me, that i may find comfort knowning You hear my plea.

Blogging again on a train ride home: 26th Nov - 10pm

On my way back from another round of fun at the movies, and dinner. This time it was with elissa damien and daryl. We watched 'Master and Commander'. It was realli good! haha.. oh well maybe its just me, cause I like those sailing ships of the past, with all those cannons and stuff.. haha.

Anyway, after damien left for work, me daryl and elissa went for dinner at the clark quay pasta fiesta! haha, had the raviolly and pizza, which was simply wonderfull! yummy! haha and so was the tiramisu! simply heaven!

Well, Sigh... just had a call from parets cause i'm back late, they are constantly telling me to study for my SAT, which i myself am concerned for, i know they dun see it, how can they when i'm out half the time. But I've got my constrains as well! I'm going into army soon, for crying out loud! Give me a break! seriously... I mean it not like I'm not going to prepare for the SATs.. I will! but me spare a little thought for the circumstances that turn out for me! I realli dun have much to say to my parents, or do anything, cause all I can promise is that I'm definately going to put in my best effort into prepapring for this SAT, this time round. Lord you give me strength! and lead me through. Amen.

So I found out why my PDF palm crashed out on me... sigh.. haha.. oh well here is the blog on that very faithfull day:

21st Nov - 1.24pm
Never thought this day would finnally be here so soon!
Blogging while on the train to town to meet georgie,damien and elissa. Using my PDA to do so, and then transfering it to my blog. hehe high tech huh hahaha!
This is round 3 since the end of the last of my papers. In a short span of 20hours, round 1 was watching matrix with elissa until the wee hours, round 2 was this morning's colouring hair session. And now round 3 the town hang out!
Well there will be many more rounds coming up! haha
But i've told myself to stop and give thanks to my Lord in every moment Ï get! Like now! In all I do I shall want to honour and give thanks to Him for all the great things He has done in my life!

Making An entry for the very first time after my A's!!! haha.. gosh its finally over! what can i say.. I only could find the time to blog now casue I din have time! practically going out from the early morning to midnight every day since the end of the A's!

You see, cause I knew I din have much time to be at home to blog, I had begun to blog on my PDF last friday, after my A's, so I could come home and just upload it. But you know what! my PDF crashed out on me! my very very first blog after my A's was gone! Anyway I was mentioning about how relieved I was for it to be all over, and had begun to track my "fun" progress! hahaha..I had my hair dyed and had watched a late night movie, matrix revolutions, realli nice! with elissa the previous day right after my last paper, human geog paper. So was about to meet elissa georgie and damien for lunch after my hair dying session on friday, and so was blogging on my PDF palm on the train ride there, when it crashed out on me! haha.. yeah.. anyway we had a real fun time at sake sushi buffet! haha.. was laughing and all! then I went for prayer meeting! I expressed that my desire was to realli have fun, but also constantly stop, and park at the feet of Jesus, and give thanks and honour to my Lord! keeping me close to Him that I would not waver during this time of fun, which can easily lead to the feeling of emptyness. After prayer meeting, I met sam for a game of pool, and it became my second night in the role to come back at 1230am.

The next day woke up bright and early to got to east coast park and we canoed! haha, had a great tan I felt! Poor elissa, my dearie angel dropped her spectacles into the sea. Her $200 spectacles is not cheap and she was afraid her mum would scold. Was realli fun! then we went to church for worship practice when it just started to rain, just nice man! haha.. God always provided, and only allowed it to rain when we had to leave east cost park! haha after worhsip practice, had dinner with them and then played pool with daryl damein song elissa and stef! so it became the 3rd night I came home at 1230 again! ahha..

Oh well so today cause I've just came back from a chalet, and just woke up from a seven hour nap! casue I've onli got to sleep 4 hours for the past 48 hours or so in the chalet. Hmm the past few days also have been sleeping very little.. gosh.. I fell I can go on and on! seriously I have not much time left and the count down to "Yes Sir! down 1,2,3...!" is so soon! hahah..

The chalet was super fun! haha.. I enjoyed myself to the core! even though we, the class of 02A10 only spent a short one and a half years together in school, and dun realli know each other well, we sure bonded together and had fun!! I think everyone put in a little effort to open up and it helped!

Well on the first night was realli fun! we played some ice breaker games and then proceeded to all those mentally challenging ones with partners and subsequent forfiets if we lost! haha.. had to do the dance and the rubber band pass which nearly allowed the opposite sex to kiss! I tell you reall funny! Then we talked all night long, starting from a sharing of one thing we felt everyone else did not know about ourselves. Haha.. then dunno why suddenly proceeded to ghost storys and sharing of our thoughts on those stuff, cause I wanted to move away from all those stuff. Oh well was real nervous also, cause I wanted to try share with them the christian faith. Well it was a start! next time will be the next wave of bombardments from me! haha.. Lord be my strength! Amen!

haha then the next day of the chalet, on monday, we woke up birght and early had breakfast and continued our card games haha.. some of the rest learnt the game of bridge and we played and played haha.. like become our class game already.. haha. THen barbeque night! haha.. wow.. had a real shiok spread of food! got squid,. fish, prawns, real long sausages, wow I tell you the squid made me felt close to heaven! haha.. plus the beer, tiger classic, with satay was dam good lah! ahhaah! dun worry I mixed the beer with sprite! realli smooth man.. haha. then when it was back to the night games of sardine! haha.. jasmine was scared till tears! casue we hid in all the dark places, poor girl, but realli nice casue she made this fun chalet happen! haha.
THinking about it its realli funny, the way we all bonded, by living under the same roof, sharing the same toilet, haha.. sharing the same bed regardless of gender and all the concern we gave to each other. REAlli love my class ppl and looking forward to our prom night, when all the glizz and glamour will show haha, and then after the prom, another night of fun fun fun! haha.. Oh gosh, wat a long blog! haha.. Enjoy!

Making a quick entry today in order to vent my stress and weariness from monotonous mugging! Have to get back to my complete my final revisions for physical geog tml..! sigh... realli just going through the notes, hopefully tml it'll all come to me as I remain calm and mentally sharp. But tml will be the end of my second last paper! how exciting! summore the next paper will be next thrusday afternoon. got a whole few days to mug for the last day's paper! hehe

But before that I promise myself a well deserved break man! so as to keep my productive. On saturday shall be my rest day! Planing to go to the beach and roller blade and do all sorts of things during the cell outing! YAY! haiz but until then I think I need to get back to mugging and resting for tml liao! chaos! its gonna be soon Ezra! The Lord give me strength to persevere and push on to run the race to win it! yeah!

I shall blog today as a landmark occassion. Tml is the start of my 'A' levels examination. A real big thing..!!! So I shall remember this day, to the day I look back and say:" The Lord has brought me through it, what a breeze it was, just the other day.." Hmmm thats my prayer.

Feeling all excited, scared, terrified, calm at the same time..! the Exam jitters! Haiz.. in my life I've been through two major exams, the PSLE and the 'O' levels. Well dun realli remember about the PSLE cause I was a little young and naive.
The 'O' level's was the one significant hallmark of an era in my life that I will never forget.. The experiences I brought with me in life have moulded and shape me to who I am today. My philosophy of life, and the my guiding principles of life are just priceless!
And as I look back I can onli see one thing good and constant working for me. Its the Lord's hand in my life. Yeah! "The 'O'levels was a breeze.. just he other the day it may seem."
So I've said it for the 'O's what about the 'A's? well all I know is the Lord is Faithfull I have nothing to fear cause he will be holding my hand tml. Amen!

Feeling super sians lah!.. sigh.. just came back from edwin's place for GP consultation. He realli helped me alot man.. thank God for edwin and his timely advice about practically anything.. haiz.. but now its up to me.. And by the Grace of God, He will see me through all these man!

Today went to YMCA mc's to study.. thought it was unproductive somehow... sigh.. dunno what to say... stupid econs.. all the facts are somewhere inside my little brain of mine, but then they need major sorting out lah... cause me to be so disorganised in my thoughts today, therefore I reckon thats why I wasn't productive enough.

No excuses though... But I told myself tonight must burn some midnight oil.. but now my eyes got a stinging sensation, dunno whats wrong.. got a headache and its not serving to my advantage... darn.. I think I will sleep and wake up tml to study early.. ok thats better... more productive with sleep.. k then..

Dear Lord, may you grant me the strength and the courage to face up to challenges. You promised not to leave me nor forsake me, and therefore I have nothing to fear. Cause if You are for me, who or what can be against me. You grant me rest, when I need it, such that I may channel my strength efficiently
Lord I pray for my fellow brothers and sisters taking the exams with me, that they may also learn to draw strength from you. Lord I pray especially for my Meisie, georgie, that you heal her from her sickness and grant her strength for her exams. You constanly hold her hand as she takes the exams, and the sickness will have to flee from her body, in Jesus name.

Thank you Father for hearing my prayers, in Jesus name. Amen

Hahaha.. today's blogging will be kinda wired...=) hmm maybe cause I never knew I had been writing for an audience for the past dunno how many blogs. But I promise you my feelings are as sincere as ever... hmmm you judge yah?

Anyway what probably compelled me to write today was cause I've sort of patched things up with Elissa *winks* my Angel! always have and will be yah? but sad that we've gotta slowly pick pieces up, and in the process some pieces will be lost. you do understand yah Angel?

Andy rebuked me quite harshly today about some stuff, and I felt realli awefull! tears were welling up in my eyes and I think this is the frist time I felt this way in public... gerald and georgie were sitting at the same table, but I think they din reallise I was upset. But today was fun lah, albert and jeremy are the best pals ever lah, maybe cause our "wave lengths" click? I dunno.. haha played some movie names game all the way and had load of fun! even on our other study dates, we have lots of fun. We crack ourselves up really! k anyway thinking if I should go to school tml? see hows lah, my mood, realli want a study "break"!

Gonna call my deary meisie tonight at 12midnight to wish her a happy birthday! its tml you see. hope you like the pressie ok sister! the survey worked lah! haha.. admit it hehe =)

Woke up this morning, having a hang-over kinda feeling, probably slept too much or something..not reallli what, slept at 11 woke up at 7am and then finally at 9am... prob the disturbed sleep causing it.. I dunno.
Anyway I just got to join this friendster.com kinda thing. Adrain introduced it to me, its some networking of friends, and I sort of found some ppl I knew from ACJC, quite cool lah.
Have been going down to town for the past two days to study with albert and jeremy, yesterday was at lido Mc's studying then georgie and reina came to say hi before they went to watch underworld. sigh! I haven't been able to watch movies ever since!
But I think its ok, study hard! then later can let lose! hehe kk then.

Quite tired again man... had a nap and woke only becasue I Still have a comprehension to do. If not for the consultation tml I wouldn't need to complete it today, and also not be going to school early tml. Sigh..! I'm so sian of waking up tired and dragging myself to school again... I just want to have a good rest so I can study! Can you please give that to me I beg you!! Anyone?

Have been realli trying to study lately, pushing myself not to take naps by staying out to study, and today would be my thrid consecutive night, and I hope I still can persevere till the end. Had a nap just now, cause have been sleeping at 12 plus for the past two nights, so I can mug tonight too.
*

Said I was feelin kinda nostalgic just now.. but a good christian CD plus a nice chat with my dear meisie was my remedy! haha =)
Was doing my maths just now, but engines weren't cranking, need to stay back in school tml to consult consult consult!
Was chatting with my mei about our dreams, Sigh... My greatest dream to own a yacht and sail! with gold trimmings and luxury unimaginable. But was just thinking, big dreams of the world would but just be dreams that may or may not come true. Filled with uncertainty. Dreaming Big for God would surely come true!
Hmmmm.... yeah =) so whatever I have, I learn to give thanks, like what and where I am now, I'm satisfied!
kk feelin all drifting into day dream land or something. The lubby dubby lovely feeling... hehee.. sigh all but yet to come true?

Kinda bored now, so before I get down to studying again I guess I will "pen" down my thoughts...
Well prelim results are out, and I got C for GP, EEO for econs geog and maths. Hmmm pretty much thankful for my results, given the last minuteness of my preparation, and Glory can onli be given to God! YEAH!
Plus now I know more, about how to go about this last lap of revision, and then it would be OK! With My Lord holding my hand through it all, gives me comfort and assurance of my Future.
Funny it may be, I stumbled across this banner in school, some national education propaganda banner saying: We have confidence in our Future.
I thought that if this was refering to the people not in christ, then what future can we be confident in???.. funny banner =)
Anyway, will be enlisting on the 11th of december.. sigh, not that I'm all so eager to get in there, but what to do?... but taking this all quite well, could be looking forward to it in a way.. hahaha..
So yup.. getting back to studies I guess.. hehe.. working without pressure could be quite good actually, hehe.

I'm Thinking! shhhh......

Just had a thought and felt that I had to put it down somewhere. Mugging for Human Geog prelims on monday, while listening to Christian worship songs.
Heard of a penny for your thoughts? Here's a thought for my Lord:

Lets not rush by to worship Him.
But with all thy Strength, Heart, and Mind.
Lets park and bow down,
Stop to know He is near.
That He chose us in Him
That we may have a spirit filled life!
Know His Kindness
Know His Goodness on the Cross.
Yes! You are my King.

Not to be be-littled in any way, cause we are chosen in Him. Having a Child's obligation to work out our salvation with fear and trembling. But not by our works but by God who works in us to will and act according to his Good purpose!

The surging JOY of the Lord! Strengthens and Builds me up!
Dunno why suddenly feeling the Joy of the Lord withen me. Was just thinking about Our YES! cell, and reading rae's christmas card to me, saying how she felt that after that leader's retreat night, YES was born again.
And as I was thinking how we as cell leaders have temporarily stepped down, and now that our cell is taken care off under OnWord, and we may feel that our cell may be at trying times.
I felt that the promise of our cell members to grow in their spiritual walk with God will be kept. Trying and testing times for the cell like this, humble us and cause us to turn to him.
Thinking back on all the successes of our evanglistic events, that we can give thanks to God for. I struggle to give full credit to God, but thats what these humbling times like these are for, that we acknowledge God's soveriegn hand in work with YES in the past.
Now it may seem that we dun have a home, like the scattered tribes of Israel. But it would come a time when we come back as the Zionist did.
In our christian walk we seek and desire to attain the next level, by Gods grace, for a closer level of intimacy with our Creator, our Lord. But this is the case; until we fall down to the pits of our human pride then will we be able to progress. As my prayer group shared, I would like to call it the "spring" effect of our spirituality.
I've rattled on in excitement, or in a lack in my linguistic ability, and may not have made sense to anyone, but the Lord is in total control! Amen.

Feeling dam sian lah... so bored over fliping throught the essay outlines for econs tml. Gonna have the paper at 1pm tml summore! its still a long wait.. hehe.. am I confident? I dunno, silently so I guess... but there's some apprehension I guess, quite normal or I won't be human right?...seriously I just can't wait for this ordeal to be over and done with.. then can look forward to many more things before the 'A' levels again!!!

Exams suck! I totally agree. The uncertainty of the outcome kills the body and makes it weak. The mundane routine is dreaded by the living soul, and the emotions which frustrates the hell out of you.

But you know my spirit rejoyces with the opportunities the Lord has allowed me to turn to him in times of trials. Seriously I've never been so focused and clear about God's direction, when I face circumstances, during this period of exams. I find that I seek to worship and pray in spirit and in truth, that is my desire, and I find the joy and peace of the Lord is with me! My strength and refuge in times of need. Amen

Yay! I think I am feelin better, hehe.. my physic and mental aspects of my body, spirituality wise has always been there! Cause Jesus Rawks in My life. You know after all, My Lord is on the Throne of my life. Daily I want to give him that place, and I commit my life into his hands. Brings so much comfort cause I have nothing to boast of myself, only of Jesus's presence in my life yesterday today and forevermore!

But we have this treasue in jars of clay to show that this all surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 2Corinthians4:7-9

"Dear Lord teach me to be humble and forgiving, to love like you love. Lord I'm also tired and weary, I find it a drag studying, I find it hard maintaining relationships. So Lord I ask that you take the throne in my life and grant me strength to persevere for you alone. To seek refugee and comfort in you is all my spirit desires, but forgive me for the body is weak. Jesus Christ I love you because you first loved me!" Amen.

I've fallen sick!.. yes the cold and sore throat is infecting me!.. I wasn't feelin all that fine yesterday already.
Well here's my case:
I've gotta get my guitar tunner back from elissa and so I swallowed hard and called her on monday to ask her whether she could pass the tunner to me on tuesday cause I would be at marine parade library studying. Well that was settled, I thought, and then I continued to ask her on the phone if there was any conflict happening between our friendship that I din't know about, cause she have been giving me the cold front for the past few weeks. Well, I wasn't shock to hear a "Yes". So I asked what was it, I was open and willing to hear it out and clear any misunderstandings, and apologise if I was in the wrong. But she said she felt wierd talking about it, and wanted to explain it through email... ok i said, whether she could give me a hint, did I do something wrong, or was it that she had some "very" personal issues?... she said I may have did something but the whole thing was subjective(shruggs shoulders in puzzlement).... so I said ok I'll wait for the email, and then we'll talk, she said.
Well guess what she told me on tuesday that I would not be getting the email anytime soon, or maybe ever at the rate she is going. Well lets see what happen, I was studying in the library and wans't feeling that well already, slight sore throat and all, when my friend left for lunch I stayed cause elissa was supposed to come and return my guitar tunner. I messaged her at 145pm to ask when could I expect her to come. She replied, I dun think I can come cause she was having tution,
Puzzelment 1: How come she din know about her tution on monday night when I asked,
Puzzlement 2: why din't she tell me earlier in the first place
She presented her case, she said she thought I was going to stay in the library for the whole day. yup I did said that, but now I was sick, so I initiated to ask her when she was coming. Instead of understanding my situation, she said I should have told her earlier,
Puzzlement 3: What should I have told her, that I was sick? well wasn't I telling her by messaging her first?
She replied and said "seriously WATEVER, I dun want to deal with this now, so you can forget about it, you will not be getting the email anytime soon"
Puzzlement 4: What? forget about my guitar tunner, and the thing that hit me, forget about our friendship?!!
ok fine, I've been eating from the baited hook for too long, My conscience is clear, if she just din't want the friendship to go on in the first place just say so now...,

I'm now bruised but not in despair
Struck down but not destroyed,
The Lord be my strength and witness.

Well I dun blame elissa, she acted of her self interest, no one can be accused to be wrong for that, But for my sarcastic remarks, I would like to apologise. I shouldn't have expected anything in return for my friendship, I was totally in the wrong for that. Well now I dun hold anything against her, just wish we could just be neutral friends.

Gosh its been long since I typed down my thoughts... hmm nothing much I guess or rather finding things too dull to say. its the study period you see.. if I had blogged it would be like, " oh have been studying... stressed and tired etc..." so I guess I din realli bother lah.. haha or was I plain lazy.. hehe*grinz*.

BUT seriously lots of exciting things have happened lah.. significant experiences would be Hillsongs concert! yay!, hmm haha.. cant think of another haha.. dunno why have not realli talked to my angel already :(.. oh well she's busy huh? kay lah.. nvm. He thought me love and patience. But talked to meisie just the other night.. hehe funny meh?.. haha what sort of funny?.. as long as its a good kind of funny then ok.. hehe :)
Well thats about it.. hmm a penny for my thoughts?.. hehe.

I asked God for strength that I might achieve;
I was made weak that I might learn to obey.
I asked for riches that I might be happy;
I was given poverty that I might be wise.
I asked for power and the praise of men;
I was given weakness to sense my need of God.
I asked for all things that I might enjoy life;
I was given life that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing I asked for but everything I hoped for;
In spite of myself, my prayers were answered-
I am among all men most richly blessed.
Yes, God always gives us what's best for us.

Hey! Today got a tan under the sun, like duh~ haha..quite hot although I'm in air-con room. Cause of sea carnival today at the kallang river. My class took part in the dragon boat race and we won 4th place out of 20 boats!! ahaha.. wow din really expect to recieve a medal but we did!!.. hehe.. anyway have been studying lah.. ahha.. so kinda busy may not update bloggy. Oh just smsed in a dedication to my Meisie!! Brosie loves to so! and my class 02A10. Wanted the new song by Daniel Bedingfield. dunno what song leh.. haha crosses fingers hope its read out....

Just when I was getting myself out of it...
Why the hell do I want to blow it away and plung straight into it again.
Foolishness untold off!. Like swiming in your own shit!.
WEll look at it this way, at least I know and am going to get out of it!
Try knock me down, but the Lord be my strength. My help in times of need.

On spiritual walk with my Lord so close, Draw me near!. Thanks Angel!
Dare to dream BIG for the Lord! And rise up as A chosen Generation, to do great and mighty things. Not worth getting stuck on trivial! stuff!

Hmmms.. hows?? Got DOF for geog, econs and maths, and a D7 for my GP liao... =s *Bleah*. Told my parents about it and sort of tried to make them understand what I felt happen. As I said before I'm not devastated by my results, but can't help but to be a little fearful of the future. In fact my geog is the onli encouraging improvement that I may want to spur myself with, that I can do better even with the other subjects. Oh yah! I finnaly can do pull ups! haha anyone going to congratulate me?.. hehe.. *pat on your own back ezra* cause no one owes that to you. =)
How do I feel right now? kinda alone... But Lord, I thank you for always being there for me, you came down and showered your love to me, and I am ever grateful! God loves his children of all backgrounds, especially those sheep who have gone astray, I see their lives and I feel God pain, when they turn their hearts to stone and shame.
Therefore my prayer group have been seeking the Lord to pray for these people to accept the Grace of the Lord that is abundant. That they may be found in the Lord once again. Spent alot of thought on this journal but, I still love my friends who mean alot to me. God show me how.

" Dear Lord I thank you.
For showing me Your Love,
And helping me understand
Love the way you Love."
Your abundant Love, to those I dare not love,
Ashamed I hang my head in shame.
You teach me to love abundantly.
1Cor13:1-8

Today woke up with much sianess in me.. sigh struggling to make it =(... but the day wasn't all that unpleasent :).. Had morning prayer group to look forward to everyday! plus today I earned around $8 bucks from betting on soccer! ahah.. sigh but I was realli disgusted with the money, felt like throwing it away! I promise Dear Lord not to gamble again! help me keep my promise. Then got back my papers today, wow my geog was totally unexpected! praise the Lord for giving me what I felt I did not deserve! anyway need to work realli hard and thats what I leant from this exam. Thank God for that too! hehe. Today blogging is special to me cause I never knew anyone would often my blog. And Meise! thats you! haha... wonder who else reads all these. Anyway this little prayer is dedicated to you meisie! abit long but meaningful!

A Prayer for A Dear Friend:
Father, I ask of you to bless my Friend.
You minister to their spirit at this very moment.
Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy.
Where there is self-doubting, release a
Renewed confidence in your ability to work through them.

Where there is tiredness, or exhaustion,
I ask you to give them understanding, patience, and
Strength as they learn submission to Your leading.
Where there is spiritual stagnation, I ask you to renew them by
Reavealing Your nearness, and draw them into
Greater intimacy with You.
Where there is fear, reveal your
Love and release to them your courage.
Where there is a sin blocking them, reveal it , and break its hold over us.

Bless their finances, give them greater vision, and raise up leaders and friends to
Support, and encourage them.
Give each of them discernment to recognize the evil forces around them, and
Reveal to them the power they have in you to defeat it.
I ask you to do these to my dear friend, in Jesus name Amen.

THanks meisie! Read your blog already, You're the sweetest! haha *hugs* you know what?.. ezzie was my childhood name! hehe. You Rawk too meisie! Must encourage each other to Good works and our studies ok? Brosie loves you too! :)

Kinda wierd today.. Dunno why I stumbled and started to write my Life journal once again on this bloggy blog. From the previous posting, I have decided to publish my writing "journal". One day as I was going through it, I din know I had written that much. Its inspirational stuff I would jot down once in awhile, and whenever I'm depressed, or when I feel its appropraite for encouraging others, she's my reference to little encouragements along the way.

Realli thank God for what have been happening in my life recently. Sometimes we got to count our blessing to know they out number the stars we see in the sky. FAITH is something I cling on to. THe hope of Jesus Christ, Son of God. Thats the whole reason of peresevering to do God's will in our lives. And I can only do so if I am guided by his principles to perfection! no more no less then PERFECTION, our God is a just and faithful God. But His grace and mercy is abundant as well! O the beauty of it all. Cheers!

Your Grace is sufficient for me.
You teach me to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions.
To live self-controlled upright and Godly lives.
To shine His name on high

Because Saviour, Jesus Christ gave himself
To redeem is fromm all wickedness
And to purify his people.
People who who are eager to do what is good

Had my exams the past few days.. realli tried but glad its going to be over! I was so tired today that I came home and slep for so long. Tml is physical geog and I am afraid and growing weary, but then it will be over!!... haha.. for now, realli feel the need to start studying now! its now or never!!.. need to scare myself with jolts of fear then can boost my memory!!.. haha.. amazing how my memory becomes so good with the adrenalin rush. Praise the Lord for he has broughht me through this round, and though me so much. Regardless of the result my spirit will give thanks to him for what he has done for me!!

WEll last night I toked to rae online about how stressed I felt about my exams. Hehe rae is so encouraging! =) spoke alot of truths that got me thinking..
You see under exam pressure I would say "die lah!.. what if I cant remember?". Then after the paper if everything I said before comes true I would say "aiyah! shit lah... sure Die.. dunno how man.." then lastly I would say " But lets just leave it to God"... now thinking about it.. I was already doubted in my previous thoughts and even professed my doubts!..
God wants to see his children faithful.. just the size of a mustard seed and he will bless and take care of everything!! YOu know I will give it a shot!.. I know how much I have studied.. not alot or enough, but I did study! and whatever I study, Holy Spirit come and grant me wisdom and understanding, Be my Strength. I will profess my faith in My Lord! and never doubt with the words from my mouth. But ever more abide in You, my Lord.
Thank you for teaching me Holy Spirit cause you are always near. Bless those around me who have blessed me so much, especially Rae! =) This is my Prayer O Lord Amen!

Sigh I'm so not focus.. I have like no confidence in myself for the up coming common test on Monday!!..
Talked to my Angel elissa just now.. told her how I felt but she shared with me how pissed and as Bleah as I was as well.. haha wierd cause it seems she could be facing more than I am now.. and even when I was secondary 3 life was smooth sailing for me... But Angel! thats why God will bless you ever so much more... just have to be abit more patience and persevere!.. not with our strength but by Gods strength!!...
Hmmm feel like God is also teaching me to rely more on him.. But if I am not even focusing on him its my fault that I dun reach out to him when he wants to reach out to me!!.... I guess I've got to start.. God's not to be taken for granted! He loves us and wants the best for us! he is our father and if he could, he would clear everything hindering us from inheriting everything we can ever wanted.. but that would be "Spoiling his Children", and ruining their very life, God loves his children too much!... and I will love him back too!! that is my desire!!=) Cheers!

Wow Blogger has a new look altogether! You all should try =) Anyway.. today quite slack leh.. woke up at 1130am then slack and ate breakfast.. by the time I got some work done was from 2 to 3 something.. then watched TV and had "Old chung kees" for tea..the curry puff ROCKS man!! haha.. Must be wondering why no lunch right??.. haha.. I'm on a diet!!..joking! ahhaa.. just the irregular patterns during the holidays I guess..then watched american idol and studied abit more.. not much lah.. sigh!! =( ... Had Army medical check-up yesterday.. WhAt an experience!!.. haha... dam shit lah!... After the whole crueling and tiring experience...I couldn't see straight! Honest!! everything was a blur so I accidentally went into a female's toilet!!.. onli when I realised there was a sanitary disposal bin next to the toilet bowl.. IT WAS TOO LATE!!! lucky there was no one the toilet!!. ahha.. fewf! =) Anyway after that went to town to unwind and studied quite abit with Jason, Dominic and Elson =) played alittle arcade felt the whole studying mood was GREAT!! haha.. then came home and had a long chat with Georgie~meisie! haha.. Must believe your brosie k!! It was an honest accident and I'm not a pervert!! haha...and must remember to tell me the joke you wanted to tell me three weeks ago!when we were suppose to meet!!.. haha. anyway must study hard! cheers!!

"Now she's gone, I'm still holding on.. Dun want to let her go.. Maybe my Love will come back some day.. Only Heaven knows.. And Maybe our Hearts will find their way.. and Only Heaven knows..~ SO when Heaven knows. My life On its way there.. I can onli hope and pray.. Cause Heaven knows ~

Hmmm kinda long since I last wrote..Have been starting to wonder about in thoughts, and not realli having the thoughts I guess...?? kinda in a drifty mood here,,, if you know what that means??... Whats my life to be? I'm kinda make logic out of it.. in a serious sense.. you see if I realli want to get somewhere, mission and VISION need to play a big role in my life.. Especially God's will in my life,,, Having great and ambitious dreams... owning a yacht, driving my dream car, living in a "palace".... VISION need to be penned down on paper, thought out and finally when the time comes, put into action.. hmmm.. Much thought... Alot thought... JUST thoughts??

My Prayer: Make me a servant, humble and meek. Lord help me to lift up those who are weak. And make me a servant today. Lord Jesus help me forgive those who may have intentionally or not, brought me hurt, because your grace is sufficient for me. May you circumsise me away from the desires of my flesh, and bring me to greater heights in my walk with you my Lord. Because it is onli in you that I can find eternal satisfaction and joy! Lord jesus you bear witness to my life as I strive to be circumsised off this world. as I delight in your decrees, and seek to maintian your sature in my life now and forevermore! Amen!

Today is gonna be quite an exciting day, edwin my mentor is getting married!! really happy for him! He is someone I would like to model after, feel that we have many trades alike, and I just hope that one day will come when I am like him today watching my girl walking down the aisles..anyway could really rest up from last nights sleep! one of the saturdays I don't have to go to school or have anything on.. today woke up at the thunders and heavy downpour!! so cool.. haven't rained for so long!! ahah.. just feels like everything can be cleanesed away, God's promise to send showers of revival to those who thirst for him! "And I dont want to go somewhere, If I know you are not there, Casue MY HEART NEEDS to be where YOU are!!"

Hey today in school second period, having a break.. so went to the library. Have been realli worn out the pst few days, literally I mean.. monday had dragon boat training, tuesday PE and physical fitness test, then yesterday wednesday had the heats for dragon boat race, the reason why my class have been training for it. SO now my back and shoulders are sore and basically fatigue I guess. WEll crazy as it sounds I may be playing squash today at Eunice house,with samuel... dun tell anyone but I actually wanted to pon GP lesson from 3pm onwards to do so.. sigh for a good reason though, because there was suppose to be some principle talk and I din want to stay. but now the talk is posponed.. what am I going to do. the racquets have been borrowed the courts are booked and ppl will be quite dissapointed on both sides!!... how??? aiyah no choice, say already what to do? another bad call. hopefully won't happen again.Promise!

I am seriously getting very worked up now.. very edgy.. I Think its the hormones thingy..sighs.. realli like nervious about everything!! the 'A' levels is the main reason why.. I can't help it!! sighs I dunno whats wrong with me!! Today I am gonna attend second service. I decided on making this decision becasue I need to be focus on what I realli want I guess, and know that I can get it.. I dunno.. seriously as I told Dominic I realli dun know what I want now..conflict between God will and my wants?? I dunno!!.. I do know I dread going through this 'A' level ordeal, but whats wrong with me realli!!.. was thinking about my 'O' levels year.. I think my studying patterns are the same, but I am not as confident about myself now!!.. maybe one too many fall-outs in JC examinations I have lost hope??.. come on Ezra!! lets flow with the sprirt...

It been like almost a month since I wrote.. haiz.. have been toiling over lots of stuff.. trying my best to put in time to study plus its been hectic! Tennis tournament means missing of tutorials and its not good trust me! I was well with maths but now I am slacking behind.. hard to understand.. help!!.. Can't help but to feel so Argh!! inside if you know what I mean.. Just want to retrieve back the good times of peaceful sunrise and quite nights with that gentle whisper of that someones heart, knitted close to yours.. sighs.. Well ok lah.. it can be quite good too lah.. Tennis we are into the next round after a win over Hwa chong!! ahha.. Yeah man.. sea carnival is coming soon.. so went dragon boat training on vesak day.. was dam cool to shout it out under the benjamin shears bridge.. haha.. I am so tan I think I can be classified under malay.. haha... but my tan is a nice colour I think... heheh.. well cheers!! the ARTS rock!

Bleah!! today was suppose to start out good.. but it turned alittle bleah!! as the day sputtered to a start!! You see I woke up at 6am this morning purposely to go for a jog and intend to watch the sunrise!.. well that was great no doubt and was great! came home and found out I was locked out of my own house!.. i had onli brought the gate key and the wooden door was lock! GREAT! I say... went all around my estate in a desperate search for a 10 cents coin hoping to make a call, but there wasn't any coin phones anyway.. haiz... looked in drains and paths, got a few stares, "what is this guy looking for?". I have at last come to a conclusion! in this economic recission, the street literally do not have a single cent for you!.. Haiz.. tired now but what to do?.. you tell me.. :)

Today Easter sunday!!.. yeah man.. the sermon was realli Good talked about worshiping a God that is alive.. not the remains of some nobody, but a tomb that is empty becasue Jesus is risen!! Meisie you are such a sweetheart!!.. gave me a glass ball for my birthday present! muacks! now when I look at that girl in the glass ball praying, I will think of you and say a little prayer for you each time, for you to always remain in the Lord and grow and shine for him! And your encouragement and verse realli spoke to me and it realli melts my heart to have a darlin sister like you!!.. IF you ever read this.. this bloggy is dedicated to you man.. cause ~Meisie&Brosie~ Rawks!!~forever~! Thanks for everything! *big hug*

Well you know I dun mind more holidays man!! haha.. Seriously.. its just the 'A' levels that I am concerned about!!.. could use the extra holidays to study more and play more too!!.. you know being paranoid does not serve any purpose I guess.. but realli we need to be cautious too lah.. diseases are part and partial of life like the mad cow disease bird flu and the black plague... if you realised they killed lots of ppl to.. but we din't seem to take note about it or felt the effects.. for the simple reason that it din't involve us.. how selfish??.. so now the SARS involves us and we see and understand.. but life goes on right?? plagues could just be natural "checks" in the earth population.. when we are growing out of the carrying capacity of the earth.. why so paranoid over less then a hundred deaths.. moreover, natural deaths occur everyday across the world..hmm food for thought.. But if some of you live or believe in fate.. then how do you control fate??.. For me as a christian I have my God who has my life planned out.. and I trust in him as my father in heaven and friend.... I love my Father in heaven becasue he loved us first and like our earthly father he would not give me a stone when I am hungry... So I have put my faith in him and trust in him.. I wonder who the world would put their trust in??.. how about themself??.. the flaws of man are countless.. a man who gains the world can loses himself in the process.. how perfect is man compared to God, that man should put his trust and faith in himself??..I am hungry so I eat.. food for thought. cheers!

Feelin its about time!!.. about time I updated my bog agian!.. its a historic moment in world history.. the coming of time!.. and it had to happen in my generation.. well in everyone's life time there's bound to be some "excitement" if you know what I mean.. My generation's "excitement" is the economic recession the worst ever with the highest unemplyoment rate worldwide... worst then the great depression, I guess.. plus wars and rumours of wars.. not that there haven't had been wars but coming altogether with the SARS outbreak.. its scary.. onli at our door step and school is out because of it.. first ever for me.. haha.. scary "excitment" huh??.. well food for thought.. the world's coming to an end as the bible states in Revelation.. God's word holds.. true today's living proves it! but God's grace is sufficient for us!.. praise Adonai!

heyz again.. guess what.. my computer is fixed!!.. ahha.. my elder brother is such a pro man.. hehe.. so I get a slightly faster computer.. the harddisk was changed.. well everything is lost and I have to start afresh.. this computer is so empty I tell you.. got my icq and kazza back so yup.. today was great.. went for FCBC church service.. the worship was great man!!.. praise him! cell prayer meeting was spirit lead and I realli have God to thank although there was a screw up in my guitar playing int he first song.. yup.. but it was Great. well quite tired but my study a little befroe I sleep later.. holidays are here I need to get downt o studying for common test man!.

Let me see.. its been 3 weeks or so that I have not written my blog.. either I can't be bodered or to lazy, to see the need these few days.. I can't realli figure out why.. my computer is down now.. hard disk crashed so I'm using my brother's computer in his room now..dunno when can I get a computer soon.. the looks of it not in the near future.. oh well, thankfully we have 2 other computers in this house of mine. Funny that onli when something is taken away, that I feel I should have treasured what I had... hmm the downfall of man i guess greed!.. Tomorrow is my GP paper.. trying to stay as calm as possible, by telling myself its onli the first common test this year.. but still I can't help but to still feel worried... I realli need to do well!

This week is gonna be a full week.. after having the past dunno how many weeks, at least there has been a day short or a half day.. chinese new year is over.. valentines day is over.. the sianess never seems to go away!.. anyway.. am realli thankful to getting to know about this prayer group in my school.. we are gonna meet every morning for prayer before school starts!. God is good what can I say,, he provides this refreshing start to everyday for me.. Today wanted to go cycling.. but the rain had to spoil my plans.. so onli studied a little in McDonalds then came home and slept...now feeling lathargic I need to get to work.. may God be constantly at work with my heart and near me always..

Its valentines day today!! but I find myself sitting at home facing my computer... what am I doing?!? sigh.. everyone is out having a good time watching a movie, while I stuck myself at home... good job Ezra..*like watever?* I' ve got a maths test tml from 8 to 930..its a one and a half hour paper and I have sacrificed my night out to commit to studying.. but am I studying.. apparently not much.. sighs.. makes it feel less worth while yeah??.. so why do I do it??.. just so as to avoid any friction between me and my father,,you see if I went out and did badly for my test tml I would be responsible for going out.. but if not it would not be that bad.. was thinking along the lines that tml there is cell meeting and before that I plan to cycle to church.. and if I went out today too my father would make a whole load of "hu ha" which I predict he will already deliver tml, which I am yet to comprehen, that I need to know how to say no to temptation..blah blah ... I understand somewhat he is trying to say *amazingly*, but does this justify the fact that whatever the results, means whether I went out tonight or not?!? *well like watever!!!* sigh feeling very irritated now..

Feelin Shagged! but shiok! can you comprehend that??.. haha.. had went night cycling form pasir ris to east coast and all the way to NUS and back!!! the results are a soar backside, swollen palms, a soar shoulder, aching abs and back, and overall fatigue.. hahahah.. But I am so pleased with myself.. I endured! even on the trip home,, learnt lots of things along this endurance trip, and about myself basically, and about how I am able to endure no matter what until the end when I have a goal in mind.. now just looking back it becomes true that a vision and mission ahead of us is important, so that we can set our priorities right to strive for the goal.. will give more thought of this and crystallise it..

Today is monday.. felt like I had the monday blues man.. was realli tired.. could doze off during tutorials and lectures today.. very edgy and unsettled.. but it turned out pretty good!!! Domanic came to be and asked if I wanted to study after school.. so we went to parkway where we stayed from 3 to 730pm.. well at least I got some work and studying done.. so I am pretty pleased.. yup.. jason leong, another cell leader from FCBC, also from my school, also join us.. felt realli encouraged cause we are both cell leaders.. talking about visiting each others church and all.. won't it be cool!!.. haha.. felt that God din put me in TPJC for no reason.. but he showed it to me through jason.. yup.. realli thankful for this blessing... hmmm k then.. tml yay! will be going night cycling.. heeh.. so fun!! cant wait man.. haha.. hope I will make it through though.. will be meeting marc too!!..he's got into cycling, since his knee injury and is quite a pro man!!.. more yays!!. cause can get to do something with him after so long!!.. ahah.. so yay! more thanks God!!

Still feeling the chill in me.. nose is giving that nazzle tone as I talk.. maybe its kinda sexy.. I dunno.. hehe.. anyways today had geog test.. din realli studied for it cause yesterday was out till quite late after going down to mervyn's fathers wake.. but realli thank God for the peace and the wisdom as I took the paper.. I Will be thankful with watever results I recieve and strive to better grades this year man! tml gonna have another GP paper.. realli hate it when I've got to go back to school on saturdays.. sianz man.. but this time I am quite determined to do better for my GP!!.. then I am gonna do some work before cell tml evening... Today slacked quite abit already.. always having the brain deadness after a test.. hehe.. so went with family to NSRCC for dinner had BBQ stingray! dam nice! haha then I just learnt like onli today that the 7th day of the lunar newyear is everyone's birthday.. how lame is that... hahaa.. kk lah.. sorry I know I am chinese.. but realli everyone's birthday??.. haha!! my friend worst.. "isn't lunar newyear same as mooncake festival?" hahaha.. you see domanic and I are in the "cannot make it" chinese class..all of us in this class rawk man!! haha.. have alot of fun in this class of wacky weird pple.. hehe.. My abdomen kinda aches now casue I did a few sets of 7 crunches and leg raises.. it is the best way to keep awake man.. I swear by it.. hehe.. will be my new tactics to keeping awake during the long weekday nights for studying.. heeh.. can studying plus after a few months get abs.. haha..*GREAT!

I am not exactly feeling that well since last night.. sneezing and sniffing all the way.. sigh.. its so irritating.. it has resulted in my throat being soar and feels like my mouth is soar too... uhhh.. horrible. I have like two test coming up. one on friday and on saturday.. its geog and GP.. haiz..still have quite alot to study for geog.. have not realli started!!.. but I am aiming to pass all the testing this year.. plus next week there is maths faculty test too!.. I need to catch up on my maths!!.. haizz..this week and next are going to be four days week becasue of hari raya haji.. yay! but I wonder why is it feel like so long.. realli a drag man.. I think its the looming test ahead.. stressfull.. plus this flu.. makes it worst.. hope I feel better soon..

Yesterday I got to go out..I was so fed up with studying.. no one could stop me from getting out.. so in the end I could join elissa, stef, samuel, albert, gerogie, darren and barney for an NYDC dinner!!! today was a realli tiring day for me... went to school with a stomache,, I think it was the NYDC's pasta with so much cheese!!. hehe.. loved it alot though.. haha.. the pasta was realli good!! so then had PE today.. was the run.. almost 3km outside school.. sigh my legs were like cramped up real bad.. cause on the sunday I had just went sailing and the winds were realli strong!! feels so good when I sail.. can just leave everything behind... anyway during lunch I was so hungry I ate quite alot.. came home and slept from around 4 to 7pm.. realli tired then woke up and ate dinner again.. haiz the other day sunday went to chuch and then could get to go sailing with my brother.. had dinner at my relatives place and after that after some negotiations with my parents I could go for a night move.. watched THEY lame show with no purpose.. after that went to bump around till the wee hours of the morning.. played pool,, was with elissa samuel and stef.. sorry lah guys I made a wrong call out of my highnest.. hehe.. yah.. so recalling yeaterday,, the negotiation was that I had gone out the whole day on Sunday and would stay home on monday to study.. my father was right to be overly concerned due to the fact that I had not got any studying done.. so thats why he was the way he was yesterday.. and you know I got irritated and all, but when he knew I had done my fair share of studying he allowed me to go out.. so if I put in the effort.. there is no reason why he would not agree for me to go out.. so yeah.. I understand now.. he is not unreasonable.. but I am blessed.. hmm kk.. sneezing non-stop now.. breaking out in cold sweat.. I am feeling hot.. argh.. need to get some work done.. so laters!

WHy?! why! why!?.. why is every part of my body dying to rebel! just want to get free!. its so irritating.. feel like just leaving this house! it feels like I am supressed... and it does not work like this.. it just doesn't..its not like I am not doing my work.. I am concerned as well and trying to the max of my present abiblity to do so... why why.. cant my father see it?? its the trying so hard that makes me look like a fool!.. I am just trying to reason.. reason out the rationale behind it all.. but it does not seem to make sense.. its squeezing a hamster to tight.. I just want to get out all the more..

Have I stumbled across this path.. am I drawn to this force??.. O But Have I Started the Blog! I wonder..directing seems wierd but it works.. am I speaking in codes?? like a beaper sending a morse code of SOS expecting to get the response when clearly morse code is not understood nowadays??.. I'm Bored!! haha.. but like a drunked disclaiming the fact, I have to let it go.. I think I have.. but there is something else, something else that has bloomed and got hidden.. will the torns once again pierce me? this one is sharper then the rest.. sigh.. BUt O have I but started the BLog!

Today went on an Angels date!! haha.. had lecture for the first peroid and then some celebrations.. kinda boring.. I rather have more lessons then the celebration.. hehe.. anyway.. after that went down to town in my TPJC uniform.. yeah I am so proud of myself.. ate beard papa which was so nice, the onli other thing I ate since breakfast, met my angel and we watched shanghi knights at PS.. then we toked alot of crap, or was it onli me?.. hehe.. I met a few of my friends form ACJC a pleasent surprise.. met Joel and Rajwin, man! did it bring a smile to my face!!...then Elissa and I wenta far east and took neo print! hehe.. I think we look good!.. haha..I was in my uniform and it wasn't bad,, I think I actually look quite good,, hehe...was kinda tired after the whole day.. but I realli enjoyed going out with my angel!!.. yeah Angels date rule!!.hehe... so I am tired now.. nites!

*Tired* is how I am feeling right now..have been sleeping at 1am for the past two days.. woke up today kinda dazy, then while getting ready for school I had forgot to put on my belt and badge.. luckily have not got caught yet.. *fewf*.. the library is quite peacefull.. not many people around,, an occational tap of the keyboard.. the photocopying machine going off, a soft murmur and a silent hum of the air-conditioner.. feeling kinda slack cause I just had lunch.. Anyway yesterday went for some learning journey thingy to the Urban Redevelopment Authority.. was not that useful.. after that went to city hall to just to take a walk.. bought a shirt from fifth avenue for the new year.. not that bad..wenta Macdonalds and studied awhile too.. I think my maths is getting somewhere at least I could do my binomial distrbution..but you need to work abit harder Ezra! I needa start on my geog!! cant locate my notes the whole part on hydrology.. they are in a mess!!.. just had a test today on plate tectonics.. dunno how man.. I guess I din realli study huh?... econs is also wavering.. past knowledge is being wiped out by laziness! so I now waht to do.. there are two test comming up after the new years.. got to start gearing up Ezra!. gonna have long break till monday.. YEAH! tml half day of school afterwards should be going out before reunion dinner.. so kinda looking forward to tml.. ok then... :)

Haiz.. my mind is blank man.. had so much on my mind just now but now all the brain juices are gone.. had just sat for a 2 hours econs faculty test paper.. man!! I think I am screwed.. but not that bad I guess.. hehe.. you see I am supposed to sit for the econs test which was postponed for me from saturday to today 4pm to 6pm.. I was dam sian about it.. dreaded the very thought about it in the morning, cause when I woke up at 6am knowing the day would not end for me for another 12 hours!!.. haha.. but I can laugh now cause its over.!!!. yeah!!.. haha.. prayed about it in the morning and realli had a very assuring time.. din know how the day would unfold itself at first cause for the first few periods my syndromes for my stomach flu I had last week came back.. felt dizzy and weary.. but in the end it turned out great! I was allowed to take the test home and do it within 2 hours thats what I did.. so din need to stay in school for so long.. not bad huh.. realli felt that God was trying to tell me.. "see Ezra your fears I will and have taken care off.. a simple faculty test is not big feat.. what more the 'A' levels.. I handled your 'O' levels din't I " so why am I fearfull off? yesterday's sermon on fear was realli good!!... therefore I will strive for the truth of God and having that close relationship and fellowship with my Father in heaven..putting my confidence in God I shall!..

Was somehow drawn to blog once again.. felt it calling me,, haha... I can't! I can't!!.. can't find the song "Here am I, send me" tried hunting for it today in life!bookshop but failed.. you know that time I broke down in tears with all the pressure one saturday ago...the breaking point was when I was frustrated with not being able to locate the song online.. Just can't help thinking if it is a sign that I am not ready to say here am I.. you know... with me being so unconnected.. sigh.. dunno how to feel man.. Am I a good model of christ?? maybe when I am ready and all confident then I will get to find the song... hmmm .. But I am worthy! I will find my way.. you just watch..

*Sighs*... you know I went to Raffles hospital today to see a doctor for my wrist injury.. guess what.. I have a slight tear in my wrist ligament.. man! and it would take 3 weeks of complete rest and 3 more with light strengthening.. HOW??!!! you tell me.. sigh. how to play tennis like that?? won't be working that new tennis racket of my for qutie some time then...k lah, but it was kinda cool to go to Raffles hospital it is like a five star hotel!! the doctor personaly comes to call you, and the place is like a "paradise", the waiting area is how nice!! and nurses are at your service.. haha.. but you got to talk through your pocket lah, if you know what I mean.. haha.. for just 15 minutes of consultation it is already $80 and everything for my wrist adds up to $140 over!!.. not including the next appointment in 6 weeks time and the physio which I heard can be easily $80 per session!! Anyway my stomach is kinda better now today had a "scare" during recess when I ate some spicy food, not supposed to, felt wierd.. this week seems to pass quikly.. maybe its cause I had a day of medical leave.. haha.. din go to school yesterday because of fever aggrevated from the stomach flu.. then went to the airport in the evening to fetch mummy, then ate Edo sushi!!.. haha... got class huh?? haha but I was too sick to taste anything yesterday anyway.. sigh... tml is thursday will be having a make up lesson in 1 of my 3 free periods.. so dunno if I will have the time to update my blog.. but I have been doing so more lately other then on thrusdays.. so it alright, hehe.. kk got to get some work done first before I watch some TV.. smallville is up today!!..

Groans!!! sigh. having some stomach flu I think.. so much air stuck in my tummy.. feel like exploding!!.. vomitted like quite alot just now..and also when I came home from school my head was spinning.... feels like shit... argh :( ...Mummy is still away doing mission work as a nurse to the tribes people in rural kalimantan.. now I dun have anyone to take care of me for the moment when I am sick now.. *sobs*.. anyway.. yesterday night talked to my Lovely Angel.. was great!!.. haha.. perrie dog angel!! *muacks* you see after talking to my angel. I felt sort of complete for the day. Talking to her was the dessert for the day!! haha..you see, before that was kinda sian, then I prayed and asked the Lord for JOY.. I stumbled across John 15:11, that Jesus is the joy of living!!! then the day took a turn for the better.. I got to go to suntec for dinner at kenny rogers! then bought my new tennis racket.. so after dinner talking to my angel was like the dessert.. and so ended the day yesterday on a good note!! haha realli happy!!! so there is no doubtedly a good God!! well hope I will feel better.. then can get back to my work wich is piling! HAHA..

Today YES! lead worship.. played the guitar.. but I thought I was nervous so din play that well hai.. anyway as long as my heart is right... but the thing is that my heart may not be right.. sigh.. dunno whats going on.. feel like crying!! and just letting it Rip! just dunno who to let out to.. feeling so oppressed!!.. argh.. you know now I can understand why people turn to smoking and alcohol cause I am at the brink of going into it.. but may God be my strength, I shall not.. weak so weak.. Sobs!!! I want to CRY!!!... its irritatingly sian.. and I am STRANDED!!!! WHY!!!!... hai.. just can't let go I guess.. Finding and finding searching and searching in this SHIT WOrld! I am going to give up hope if not for my God.. sigh..

AH!!.. finally I can use the computer sigh.. realli irritating! you see I as usaual have a three period break before the next lecture.. but guess what.. I got caught up with group econs presentation.. then lunch and the routine trip to the library to update my blog got pushed backward.. hate rushing through my blog. but it seems like this is the onli time I am able and at the right mind to update my blog. So now here I am,putting all behind then.. I am very HAPPY!!! that I can be at my blog again.. brings a smile to my face and warms my heart.. cause I guess this is realli a time for me to re-evaluate.. I usually listen to a few songs as I update my blog. love these songs alot! they rock!... This song, Psalms112.. it rocks so much!! tell you how it changes my way of thinking.. you see yesterday I din go for tennis training cause of an injured wrist.. so I went to watch a movie with Elissa and Samuel.. but I hadn't told my parents.. and as I was on my way to plaza singapura, I was listening to this song.. psalms112 "Blessed is he who fears the Lord and finds delight in his commandments" so I realli wanted to enjoy the song.. but I couldn't!!.. GUILTY!! ahaha and I was just brought to call my mother and then get permission from my father as well.. you see the song talks about fearing the Lord.. and if I feared the Lord I would fear my earthly father as well.. and if I delighted in his comandments then I should do what is right.. so I DID!!.. hahahaaha.. and I enjoyed myself alot!!.. haaha./ watched The Ring.. it was kinda scary but intriguing.. so thats the story of my life!!.. hahaa/... you see.. I have lots to say today.. lots of things are going on in my life.. and just thinking and typing them out.. brings lots of joy!.. last week was monotone.. very dull and draggy, till I had a breakdown on saturday, which was sparked off when found out I got a horrible score of 970 for my SAT I took in december... first time I realli cried like I did....no one saw no one realli knew onli the Lord... talked to edwin about all my frustrations and my drop in ego and all.. realli had little confidence in me and the 'A' levels ahead.. but he put things into perspective for me.. was I not depending on the lord for this.. was God trying to break me and mould me to have the right perspective of how I should be going about doing things.. and I felt i was depending upon myself and had a pride of my own too much.. suddenly I knew why I went through what I have gone through.. starting afresh this week.. I feel good in the Lord.. still more refining is needed to be done about me.. but I am faithful and looking forward to it.. looking forward to tml too.. having worship practice.. yeah!!... going to be a great time.. let me end here with something.. May God be my vision, my wisdom and true word.. look to him and you will see.. see the wonders that I have seen!

I will declare! I will rejoyce!.and raise your hands to the one who is holy, lift your eyes to the hope of heaven!... I will lift my voice and tell the world what Jesus has done for me!.. thats what the songs sings, and the song of my heart!.. As usual i am having a three periods break now, which is 3 hours! and therefore got the time to updater my blog once agian!.. later having a few more periods until 5.15pm before its called a day. I am happy and not complaining about the school hours .. its not a chore to come to school anymore.. but it is a chore to do all the tutorials!! thats what so stressful about JC2 life now, and also I think I have alot of catching up to do!! I am realli scared.. everyone is walking around with the solem look of " oh man the A levels are here" kind of look.. haha well its true.. yesterday was a pretty long and tiring day for me.. you see after school, there was the Scube seminar till 4.30 and the maths supplimentary paper for one and half hour.. but I handed up half an hour early.. not casue I was pro but casue I couldn't do all the questions.. then there supposedly was tennis.. but onli got to hit balls for half an hour.. din feel shiok enough.. so on reaching home I went to exercise.. 100+ crunches and sit ups and running.. for all the crunch times I will be going through.. hahaha... BUT! there is NO other gift that is greater, and puts all the others to shame... God's LOVE!! the forsaken and sinners can now draw near.. cause God is LOVE..

AH!!!I wanna shout it out!! It's the start of the New year 2003.. man isn't it fast *SIgh I am so tired in school now having a three period break.. really tempted to just go off and never come back for today.. but I am a good student so.. hehe..School is not as bad as i thought today on the first day.. although the vivid picture of hard work towards the 'A'levels have been painted in all the year two students.. you know lessons have started until 5.15pm today!! behind my mind; its the first day of school give me a break!!!... now while updating this first journal of the year I am listening to christian music the CD My Hope.. something is really tugging at my heart and mind... its got nothing to do with school but al about life at the moment, and my Angel should know all about it *winks* Just can't help to wonder how it will all turn out.. but you know as the song goes God is LOVE remember all he gave us and we Love him cause he first Love us!

WOW!!.. its been quite long once again that I have updated my blog.. and SOOOoo many things have passed once again.. edwin is overseas and all.. almost half the cell is overseas at this point!! haha.. anyway lots of things have changed like the cell structure and I am not going to worry. things are looking bright and all I am having a Ball of a time!!!, yeah.. just had youthcamp! soo FUN!!!! man was it GREAT!!! realli got to bond with people from church and stuff also to get to know new friends.. got to spend time with people who are special to me especially MEiSIE! ANGeL! and SamuEL!!.. yup.. thanks alot!! for everything you are to me.. you know there is two more weeks to go before *ahem* starts again... it becomes a foul word to say but I know lots of people at me age know what I am toking about... but its gonna be great I can feel it!!..yeah.. ahah.. very greatful for the wonderful experience!! never will forget..

So everything is as it is... my angel's back!!! Meisie has still been msiSie!....and Samuel teo??.. still as gay as ever!! haha.. joking k brother.!!.that night when we stayed over at edwin's house with shiya, sam and me and eunice,, he kept saying I look very sexy in shorts and a tight shirt!!... haha.that explains it all huh??>.. haha.. and all is well I guess.. just another BIG event that went down the YES cell history!! we had a GREAT!! evangelistic BBQ it was th EXOTICA FIESTA!!! hahaah.. wow it was great the turn up was good too!!! we all had fun!!.. now is the after effects I guess, the soar throat from BBQ food and lack of sleep.. have been realli shagged out this whole hols.. tennis training ..recreational sailing,, church commitments.. etc.. youth camp is next then YES cell retreat!!.. all line up for me! oh my gosh and it will be school re-opening soon!! cant take it easy anymore it is the 'A' levels!! hehe.. anyway.. may God be the glory great things he has done for me!!

Its been eleven days since I updated my blog!! so much has happened!!.. oh my gosh.. it feels like a long time!!!! being out and basically keeping myself busy was the reson why I guess!!.. had stumbled upon the "bethlehem project" and got appointed to be involved in logistics.. cool!!.. hehe... will be counselor for the two nights of the play as well!!.. I do not regret getting myself into all these.. I wanted to!! with my temprement now I guess it is the best to channnel my energy and put it to good use for God I guess.. this temprement as in being unmotivated to study no matter what but eager to take on something challenging!!! the teenager syndrome I guess... you know... nevermind,,,, anyway my best pal and angel Elissa is out of town till next tuesday.. sobs.. miss her already... church is like my 3rd home!.. besides the no choice 2nd home which is school lah!!... had just came back from a cell leaders retreat.. planning for the Xciting Saints youth ministry in church for year 2003, always will enjoy these kind of camps.. I love the fun the people and being able to click!!.. hahaah.. realli fun casue we played hide and seek and all.. childish but fun!!.. thats all that matter right??,,, heheh... had lots and LOTS of FUN!!.. hehe.. besides the long hours of meetings it was worth it!!.. I guess its time for me to take a breather before the next wave of camps and all!!... miss you angel!!.. thats all I can think of now.. hugs.

Felling like I am having a flare at poetry!!.. hahah.. maybe comeone can scout me..hehe.. Oh stop living in a lie!.. wake up and smell the fresh air.. the birds are singing your song!.. O can't you see??..Well today was a slack day for me... woke up with my nose in my throat!.. haha.. at least thats how I felt..hehe slacked and slacked summore.. had Sakei Sushi for lunch.. hehe.. udon and tempura!!.. haha.. Japan!!.. kinda enjoyed my trip there!!. hehe.. so brought back the memories.. went to attend yong soo's and wei wei's wedding ceremony today... realli cool.. my second time to my friends wedding.. realli sweet and loving.. the important ingredient! I guess now I am wondering about my path down the road.. hai!.. Turst God with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind.

Wondering why... thoughts are constipated,, don't seem to flow as last time.. is the blog spark over?? hehe..well onli time will tell.. ONLI TIME WILL TELL..... O But HAve I Started the Blog!.... clutted choking concern.. can it be that I have stumbled?.. O but have I started the blog......

Yeah!!... today was great! ate quite alot and laughed quite alot too!!!.. had a real great time with samuel and jeremy!!.. the three musketeers.. hehe.. hope I spelt it right.. anyway we were shopping for cloths.. like last time!!. hehe.. had fun man.. guys day out!!.. ate crepes.. from the free voucher!!,, dam nice.. waited for the oysters to arrive but argh!!.. irritating.. bluff us!!... in the end settle with tako pachi and yakitori.. it was another food extravaganza day!!.. hehe got to work out twice as much tml during training!!.. hehe..anyway.. quite plesed with myself.. I bought a shirt from OP.. yeah!!... was great!

Life has its ups and downs,,, today was ups!!,, haha,,, woke up at 745.. felt realli slack.. training was at 830... quite tiring and fun.. but its so irritating when I still cant get my strokes right.. got to work on it I guess,, yeah!!.. haha.. the rest of the day was quite fun too.. had a realli great time with meisie.. we were on a crepe hunt!! ahha.. and got free crepes to eat on doing a survey!!.. ahha.. hi five mei!!.. haha.. realli great!! walked ard town took neo print.. and we agreed that it was the nicest we ever had.. meisie so cutsie and pretty .. haha.. not bad!!.. haha.. well the onli thing we missed out doing today was eating oysters.. had realli looked forward to it. but they were sold out.. sigh.. nvm.. another day mei!!.. will do this again yah??.. yeah!!.. triedsie today.. sleep tight!!.. mucks!!

Just a few minutes back it was monday.. now its tuesday already!!!... is it me or is time passing so fast during the hols??!! thinking that its going to be so short.. I have decided to make full use of it.. especially to *try and catch up with my school work(note the * "try").. esp C maths. yup but on the other hand now I will have much time to juggle too!!.. balancing it out will be another challenge.. yup.. will put in the effort for work and play.. and for serving God wholeheartedly in the cell.. heading toward God centeredness.. instead of self-centered.. to be more efficient in countering this sianess of life I guess... so yup!!.. will go now.

TIRED!! is all I can say ... realli shagged out... by everything that has been happening.. tennis.. trips to town..stay overs...you know..the life of a student who has sort of completed his exams for the year!! today went to church.. had lots of fun .. met the new cell group!! so excited for them.. shared my testimony about my cell life.. realli felt inspired by all the younger ones!!.. let the flame burn in you guys k!!.. yup.. was supposed to go sailing with yong soo.. but he cancelled cause he is getting married next saturday and got stuff to do.,, understand.. so I thank God that the Three of us samuel jeremy and me went bowling at SAFRA country club!!.. we had loads of fun!! then went down to changi airport to send albert off .. he is going back to indo for a period of time.. yeah.. will miss him. but happy for him as he can spend time with his parents and be refreshed when he comes back!!.. we all love albert!!.. miss him already... then me georgie elissa sam and jeremy went for dinner and then after elissa and sam left the rest went to the veiwing gallary.. realli nice.. wish this day would not end too... enjoyed myself.. was great guys!!

Well today was a tiring and eventful day I must say... you see.. had come back from edwin's house at 1230 this morning... was going to have training at 8am,,, yeah... got up and was realli looking forward to tennis!!... the sun was real hot..quite nice... but I think I "over done" myself.. hehe.. feeling real hot and tan now.. yup.. I think I am getting better in my strakes.. need to work on them still though.. heheh,, maybe I just got what it takes.. should have joined it in the begining of the year!!. rather then the stupid air rifle!!.. but let bygones be bygone.. I am happy at the way things are going.. yeah!! so after tennis.. came home.. and accidentally fell asleep.. over slept!! for elissa's choir presentation at park mall.. sorry angel!!.. had cell after that.. enjoed the fellowship and stuff.. yeah!!.. went to geylang to have prata!!!.. haha.. reali good man.. so who's complaining.. I shouldn't!!... tired.. tata!!..

Mood: Relieved!!
Though feelin not much difference from before the exam on thursday.. onli less apprehensive..
tried to let go after friday's ordeal.. went over to my Angel's house to slack and watch survivour.. casue she needed a guitar tuner anyway.. so I din mind since I was so eager to get out of the house that day... had just cut my hair till onli an inch long and ppl say I look younger .. well I feel fresher!! and seems like my mood may be affected by my hair.. I just feel so free now!!! haha.. crap!... anyway.. after elissa's house.. went over to edwin's house to have dinner... he cook one of the best black pepper beef steak I have eaten!!.. haha.. toked and prayed.. realli enjoyed my time.. casue it gave me the chance to speak my mind and clear up stuff!!.. so I am happy.. things will work out.. although I will be trusting God for his provision.....

Mood: Apprehension!
feeling in dispair.. no were to turn...
A few more hours.... being beaten in the weakest state I'm in..
Nothing to boast nothing to hide.. my fault..Guilty!!
I see a light.. or is it cause I want to see a light?
But tml can be a happy day!!

You see I got to explain why my journals have been Missing In Action (MIA) for the past few days.... it started on tuesday when I was in school updating my blog.. the computer must have sucked,,,, therefore after entering my journal it gave up on me!!!.. realli a turn off!!.. anyway you see the past few days I have been feeling realli dazzy..furthermore it feels like going into a lions den!!.. the chinese 'AO' levels are tml and I feel totally unprepared... now counting on every bit of understanding of the language.. as my tutor said my capabilities is only up to secondary 3 standard!!!!.. so you see my point.. I guess I have to go into the lions den like Daniel did.. he knew he was unprotected unarmed.. just like I am now.. but he trusted God to protect him.. the exams tml may seem like a roaring lion but it can't realli hurt us if it is "dead" Yes! the examinations paper itself is dead..and we are living to make a difference...hmmm does this mean I have the right to say I will definately do well since I have my God for me.. no!!.. I accept that he will deliver me through in one way or another .. through the strom ... but not help me avoid the storm.. Well all that I can think of is the time after this whole ordeal!!.. I can't wait to be feeling free... but then again I hope history won't repeat itself like after the promos!!! I need to plan and get busy with playing as well as balancing out study during the holidays..before I get back to school.....no regrets is my motto this hols!!.. but if there is bound to be .. Jesus still loves!! the onli thing I can count on.

TOday was another happening day for me man!!.. haha.. woke up early again as usual!!.. biological clock!!.. then felt abit unwell.. dunno what.. but shrugged it off with a bath before going for tution at 1 pm... met Qifang today at suntec before tution to get the ACJC band concert tickets.. $105 in total for 5 tickets worth $21 each!!.. hehe.. hope it is worth it man.. hehe... Anyway went down to East coast park to roller blade with samuel georgie elissa albert jeremy and rachelle.. thanks guys!!.. realli had lots of fun with you all.. went bowling after dinner too..with georgie albert and jeremy..sam and elissa had left for dinner at home!!.. wished they could join us... it was the first time after a long time that I bowlled.. hehe got a pathetic score for 73.. meiSie also got the same score.. casue she missed the last entire frame!!.."meiSie I din mean for you to not get any pins down when I was joking k".. hehe.. I know you did it to make your brosie feel better right??... hehe.. The night was nice!! sometimes just wished the fun would not end like today... tml is school for the junior colledges. sigh!!.. but got to get projects done anyway... so it can be good.. hehe... positive ppl!!.. so take care!!..

Haha.. feeling good today!! My whole body aches though... but had just got off the phone with my Angel!! elissa.. toked to her just now, after a long time.. Thanks angel!! For understanding me that well!!.. Love you Angel!!... Well woke up at 4 am yeaterday morning casue me whole body was aching in pain!!! couldn't sleep.. On saturday had tennis training in the morning and had hit a few hundred backhand and forehand swings each!!.. then played soccer in the rain!! we were all sliding around.. realli fun I guess.. then went to west coast park for BBQ!!.. shiok day huh.. haha.. but realli shagged out my body.. thus the aches!!! so now on monday morning have not slept a wink since sunday.. gonna slept soon..can't wait!! I love my bed especially now.... later would be going east coast park for roller blading!!... yeah... everything is fine!! and to God be the Glory Great things he has done!!!

Ok...*deep breaths...today is the start of clean and green week.. the whole school was doing gardening..planting tress.. that sort of thing.. we were plucking weeds... the dam mimosa realli sucks.. there torns realli hurt!! But we got a few hours of CIP for that.. so its ok.. hehe.. had the first Arts faculty comittee meeting today.. volunteered to be the treasurer.. I think I am realli getting into the Spirit of TPJC huh.. haha... yeah..plus all this involvement will gain me substantial CCA points next year for University entry... I thought might as well as I am already in this school.. make the better of it and make the school a better place for me too...Real tired since the gardening.. was gonna have tution today but thinking of changing it to next week... I still have two geography assignments of 2000 words length to hand up by next week.. and its my chinese AO level!!!! next friday... Feel that I am not going to do well.. but going to trust God.. If not who else... My life is in his hands and if my God is for me.. who can be against me!!?.. its a song title.. cool huh.....

Wow!!.. Downloaded this song that Rocks!! so much!! INNOCENT by Our Lady peace.. yeah.. it just rocks!! man.. heheh.. its the genre of a classic rock .. you know U2... yeah... I think the band's name rocks so much too!!.. like who would think of a name like that.. a class of its own man.. with bands like these.. why would anyone want to listen to punk rock?? no offence though.. but come on Punk rock???.. the genre title says it all!!.. hahah...Ok today was supper slack... din have much lessons.. during chinese was chatting with our hip chinese tutor.. haha.. then for goeg our tutor screened " The perfect Storm".. haha. cause he said we were going to study on weather next year.. hahah.. left school early.. went down to church to do some admin stuff and toked to andy.. haha..asked him how he proposed to valerie.. kinda cool.. getting tips for my future maybe.. heheh... anyway.. kinda good today.. music rocks.. so yeah.. makes the day.. gonna catch a comedy @ central tonight 10pm.. "lenny in henry pieces" it will turn your watever blues away man. haha.. another recomendation by me, yeah.. have fun ppl.. cause Jesus loves you!!.. haha.

Yeah..today I am in school updating my blog!!.. haha feels good... I can acess it anywhere with the internet.. you know doing this in TPJC realli makes me remember the times in ACJC.. when Me, Marc, Jen, Chris, Ben, Qifang and Charlotte would hang out in the computer lab sending emails and reading journals and playing online pool..in school!!! hehe.. sigh.. now it puts a smile on my face when I am here in TPJC, when thinking back at those times.. yes I miss those times with you guys.. but now I say I am thankful that I even have that experience in ACJC..I will never forget!!...But now I guess I have settle down in TPJC and sometimes dun mind it here.. realli thank God for delivering me to year two with his grace and mercies!! now ahead would be the "A"levels!!.BRing it on!!.Marc!! must go out sometime and check out some electric guitar k.. I feel like getting one of those "cannot make it electric guitars" casue of my low budget...at least got sound lah.. I want to own one!!.. heheh.... Was suppose to have training today but turned out to be on Saturaday.. sigh.. was looking forward to it though... gonna have more slack periods today! maths tutor not here,, heheh... and I just found out today that in the JC we have one more week of school!!! after depavali.. shit dunno how to spell.. hehehe but never mind.. should be ponning anyway.. study chinese...yeah.. so will will be updating........

yeah. so happy... had dinner with yong soo just came home.. I just came back from jogging at pasir ris park when I saw his msg, asking if I am free for dinner..Off course!! I thought.. mummy wasn't cooking and dinner was out anyway.. so yeah.. had rich creamy seafood pasta.. it was worth it.. wasn't guilty cause I "worked out" for it!!.. haha.. well was toking to mei about how this journaling can be my girlfriend for now.. but a reall girlfriend may not be as "Dead" as this huh.. haha.. but still I always desire for someone to be willing to listen.. not with a knife at her throat but cause of love... thats the key ingredient.. says everyone.. haha.. cliche?? well unconsciously ppl have come to think that of this term love... do not take it for granted!!.. it is as much as you can expect from me cause I want to love like jesus loves... take care!!

Kinda slack today... slept at 3am this morning.. was up playing heros of might and magic 3.. also cause the coffee I had at coffee club with the mentors group was kicking in.. haha.. felt good.. had watched "Below" yesterday.. was quite scary.. my mother gave me a shock when she sneaked into my room at 2 this morning...with that dazed sleepy face of hers.. asking why wasn't I alspeep yet.. She feaked me out!!@@,, hahaha.... but I wasn't scared ok!!. hahah.. so today woke up at 10am.. even when I slept at 3.. this sucks... my stupid biological clock.. but isn't it a wonder... hahah..So... "blackhumourlivingincontradiction".. proves her point!! the title gives the truth of life away... kind of like the theme for my past few journals huh... anyway should be getting back to my busy schedule of slacking!!!,,, hehe.. will write again tonight!!....

Marc is my good friend form ACJC. My pals there rock man!!! you rock marc!.. marc was telling me how he misses my dumb comments… when I was there at ACJC.. feels good being missed. Heheh.. okok.. was just joking k!!.. its not me you miss.. its my dumb comments.. hahaha… Elson my pal from TPJC was toking to me about two types of ppl.. the long term and short term… well I am the long term kind of guy he says.. I agree.. I think of stuff like how my wife would age.. look at the mother says one of my teachers.. cause in the end you gonna spend your whole life with her.. very practical person I am huh.. haha.. dun get me wrong. The character of the women I will marry is as important!!! So wahts this short term kind of person..the almost opposite of the long term kind of person I guess.. you know live for the moment.. and seize the day .. I feel that the short term kind of person can complement as well as bring harm to the long term kind of person… ppl like me.. may have been subject to this… why do I judge?,, oh dun get me wrong.. I admire these ppl actually… In fact I may have been short term once.. since ppl go through stages in their lives.. personally.. when I was in secondary 3 & 4, I was a short term kind of person.. when I feel like.. I would do it.. or else forget it.. have you ever once got into a relationship,, need not be GF or BF relationship.. maybe just close friends and at a period you feel excited toking to that friend.. you take interest .. but after awhile turn cold suddenly.. casue there’s nothing much to say anymore..change of taste and preferance.. come on make up your mind!!.. well I may have fallen victim before.. it hurts.. definately not the way to treat a friend..But at my age of 17.. I think generally I am experiencing the changing phase in life… oh blah blah blah.. how many times have I said that.. but can I escape the fact.. no!! So.. I have the sudden experience of freedom… can we deal with it??.. it’s a maturing stage and there’s internal dispute.. with freedom comes responsibility… but at this transaction stage.. we tend to abuse this freedom… and I suffer the effects of sian and Lack of Spirit!! Cause we exhausted life… no wonder ppl at my age group keep seeking for more adventure.. well enough said.. I shall return to life.. promise no more of this kind of journaling.. Cause I have said enough.. any more and ppl might think I am suicidal.. cause I am not.. May God be my stength as I walk this uncharted path of life… gtg.. will write again.. love you Jesus.. and yeah… always think What Would Jesus Do ppl!!! Love you all!!…

Journal 5.21pm
Hello! Writing my journal for a few consecutive days already… I think it’s addictive. Or is it just cause there is so much inside my mind right now.. Sigh.. Just finished Chinese tution..TIRED!! its so draining.. took bus 16 down to town, and was actually thinking of going down to borders to take a look some books.. but decided to end my journey at plaza singapura. On the bus was just another reflection “journey”,, while Listening to the hippest music on my MD, I just can’t help reflecting on the words of certain songs. Just wondering why I choose certain song tittles which paint pictures of life so vividly.. listening to A*teens “just can’t help falling in love with you”.. this song has been a hit!! Ever since Elvis wrote it.. no wonder he is the King.. well I agree, sometimes you can’t control your emotions. Like when I can’t help thinking and reflecting. Well mei.. not that I am ignoring your advice to not think so much.. but can we realli?… as it goes,, I just can’t help falling in love with you… I just cant help thinking too I guess.. heheh… there is ths other song by Everclear Wonderful,, “dun tell me everything is wonderful now!! It sings.. hmmm I think to myself. And get drawn to the song.. call it anger?? Hurt from the world?? from ppl?? Just so many question marks huh??….

SO here I am trying to recall what I wrote in the afternoon... you see I was trying to take a nap in the afternoon.. but resorted to typing my journal, just casue thoughts where pilling up in my mind... wanted to vent. so thanks mei.. for blog.. a place to journal.. as edwin said Here's my chance!! seize the chance.... Back then in the afternoon I was realli craving for BBQ squid, dunno why,,,warped thinking I guess.. But maybe want to be as blur as squid.. blur to the hurt I go through in life.. hehe.. We all live around ppl. mostly strangers, others just friends and lastly better friends that are closer to us.. WEll ironically the closer friends may bring you the most joy , but also the deepest hurt.... even for the very little things he/she may have done... I May have been hurt by a close friend, but I guess he/she may not be even aware of it. But as edwin siad, it realli takes two hands to clap.. and so does a friendship to work...So I asked myself.. do I treasure the friendship that much..YES!! so I decided to swollow it..and hope the friend realli din do it on purpose... it was hard at first.. but worth it... so life goes on yeah... in any relationship or friendship,, its a compromise with each other.. a simple principle I learnt.. cause I treasure my close friend that much!! Entursting them to God.. so especially the closer ones.. Samuel.. my best pal!!. georgie*meiSie.. luv U.. elissa angel!!.. edwin my mentor! thanks for being there!!..the Yes! ppl.. love you all!!..Ezra

Sigh!!.. had jsut typed a very long journal and it was all gone.. SIgh!!... included that blog was my way to vent .. but did not happen!!.. sigh... make me sian.. got some error and the data was lost.. I guess it was meant to be..!!! will write again tonight..

ok.. the time Zone is still one hour ahead.. haha.. Gerogie.. you might want to change your time zone in your blog too.. heheh.. yup..

Okok.. getting a hang of this Blog thingy.. quite cool.. hahaha... kk.. heh never thought would get the hang of this kind of thing so readily.. maybe its desperation.. the need to voice out my feelings. to who I dun know yet.. firstly to myself I guess. Well tml is my oral presentation for my project work.. have not even done much preparation for it.. hehe.. maybe casue at the back of my mind, its not counted!!.. hehe.. Then after that, tuesday and wednesday is my off days!!! yeah. But the irony is that I am getting so bored this few days!!.. cant stand it!!!.. Therefore I am quite looking forward to the mentors group meeting agian on tuesday night!.. need my help?? well I am so willing to serve!! yeah.. haha.. even for the congregational get together.. bring it on!!.. haha... well still ironing out stuff in this blog thingy so seeya.. soon!!. Ezra

Hey.. so this is my first time doing this. Had metors group today and boy was it a great time!! thought of doing journaling for some time and it might do me some Good!!.. well so here it goes.. I like to be original though.. but got this idea form my meisie georgina!!.. haha.. just cause the "lifejournal.com" is so mah fan!!.. hehee..